Author: has written 182 posts for this blog.

tigtog blogs a lot elsewhere, but here on Feministe she mostly does the tech support and feeds the giraffe. tigtog tweets in flurries @vivsmythe.
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103 Responses

  1. macavitykitsune
    macavitykitsune November 8, 2013 at 7:53 pm |

    Who didn’t need a mouse this week? Why, chez Mac, that’s who.

    Who had a mouse in their fucking house this week? Why, Mac, that’s who.

    Who’s got several papers, four major exams and a major presentation coming up in less than two weeks?

    Who’s got an aunt – a notoriously obsessively neat aunt – visiting in five days?

    Who’s got two jobs to balance and a major flare-up of several health conditions going on right now, making moving and fine motor control obscenely difficult?

    Whoooooooo?

    I can only wonder.

    (Sorry if I’m being crabby as fuck on the internetz the last little while, folks. You now know why.)

    1. Ally S
      Ally S November 8, 2013 at 9:27 pm |

      I quit my first job a while ago, and now my savings are draining quickly. So I need to get a new job very soon. As someone with only a working knowledge of some web development tools, Ruby, and Java, I really don’t have much hope in getting another coding job anytime soon. I need much more knowledge and experience considering that most well-paying jobs I’ve seen so far require me to already have a B.S. in computer science, senior-level experience with C, several years of experience in an object-oriented programming language, etc. In short, that kind of job is out of the question for the time being.

      That means I have to try to apply for completely unrelated jobs. I really want to work for RAINN or a similar organization (or at least do some volunteering for experience among other things), but I’m afraid of being confronted by the family for choosing such a job. They’ll probably get upset at me because they think Truly Modest People completely distance themselves from anything that is remotely related to “sex.” (I don’t think rape is sex, but that’s the view they have.)

      Aside from that, I feel discouraged as well because the paid position at RAINN that I’m interested in requires two references, and I think only my philosophy teacher could write a reference for me. And the rape crisis centers in Santa Cruz and Santa Clara have positions whose requirements are pretty difficult for me to meet, needless to say. I mean, I don’t even have any experience in social work, which many of these positions require.

      1. Ally S
        Ally S November 8, 2013 at 9:27 pm |

        Oh god what have I done X_X That wasn’t supposed to be a reply to you, mac! Sorry about that.

      2. PrettyAmiable
        PrettyAmiable November 8, 2013 at 9:40 pm |

        Aside from that, I feel discouraged as well because the paid position at RAINN that I’m interested in requires two references, and I think only my philosophy teacher could write a reference for me.

        Is it naive to ask if like, internet friends could write you references? You have more than a few fans here.

      3. moviemaedchen
        moviemaedchen November 9, 2013 at 7:31 am |

        I’m sorry you’re in such a stressful place, Ally. Hugs if wanted. What kind of references do they need?

    2. PrettyAmiable
      PrettyAmiable November 8, 2013 at 9:44 pm |

      We had mice in our house one year during college. It sucks so much, and it sounds like the last thing you need. I’m not sure this will help you since I’m sure you have an end to the infestation in mind, but naming my guys helped me. It made them feel less unwanted when I saw Mappy scurrying about.

      Hugs if you feel like hugs from me, mac!

    3. Ally S
      Ally S November 8, 2013 at 9:54 pm |

      Oh, dear. That’s a lot to handle. I’m sorry.

      And I know what it’s like to be stressed out by an obsessively neat person. My dad gets fucking furious when shoes are misplaced in the house and the bathrooms aren’t spotless. I hope your experience with her is as not-unpleasant as possible.

    4. Willemina
      Willemina November 9, 2013 at 12:59 am |

      I wish I could help demouse your house mac. It’s a strange thing to be proud of, but I’m a damn good mouser.

    5. miga
      miga November 9, 2013 at 2:12 am |

      Whoever thought that such tiny things could be SO FUCKING STRESSFUL?

      I’ve lived in places with horrible pest problems, so whenever I hear any sort of scratching or squeaking I start freaking out.

      I’m sorry you’re going through that and I hope hope hope you can deal with them soon. Are you a kill type of person or a catch-and-release type? I used to be the latter, but after several mishaps I’ve just ended up doing the former in the least painful way possible.

    6. moviemaedchen
      moviemaedchen November 9, 2013 at 7:30 am |

      Oh that’s a fuckload to be dealing with, I’m sorry. Hugs if wanted.

    7. macavitykitsune
      macavitykitsune November 11, 2013 at 11:18 pm |

      Thanks, everyone! Three mice caught, which we’re reasonably sure is all of them, and the house is clean! And completely rearranged, because you know, if you’re gonna, why not go all the way.

      @PA: Does “cheeky little bastard” count as a name? Because we totally named one of them that… *grin*

      @Aaliyah: no worries! And my aunt isn’t the angry type, she just gets upset and concerned…which actually makes me feel worse than angry-neat, lol. She’s a sweetheart, though.

      @ Willemina awww ^__^ thanks!

      @miga – I’m more of a law-of-the-jungle type, so the mice wound up in glue traps and chucked into the garbage. I’d like to catch-and-release, but that would be a death sentence in winter anyway, so I don’t see the difference, personally.

      @movie – thanks! HUgs are welcoome ^__^

      1. Willemina
        Willemina November 12, 2013 at 1:28 am |

        Glad to hear you’re mouse free. I really prefer the classic snap traps over live traps though. We’ve had absolutely awful experiences with glue traps, I’m happy it sounds like you were spared any complications.

  2. Andie
    Andie November 8, 2013 at 8:05 pm |

    Quick check in from the cafeteria at Mount Sinai, the only place I can get a wifi signal to let everyone know that my surgery went well, I got to keep my rectum, thus no ostomy, and I should be going home tomorrow. And I have one giant, bad-ass abdominal scar and no colon and hopefully, no more cancer, but I’ll let the oncologists make that call.

    1. macavitykitsune
      macavitykitsune November 8, 2013 at 8:14 pm |

      YAY! OMG I am so glad and so relieved. Fuck cancer; I hope it’s gone away forever.

    2. Donna L
      Donna L November 8, 2013 at 8:47 pm |

      Good to hear from you, Andie, and I’m very glad you avoided the ostomy. Feel better soon!

      PS: I’ve been a patient (and had intestinal surgery) at Mt. Sinai several times — if you’re talking about Mt. Sinai in NYC! — and they’re pretty much the best for this kind of thing.

      1. Andie
        Andie November 10, 2013 at 12:47 am |

        Mount Sinai in Toronto, actually. Incidentally, they’re also considered the best hospital in Canada for this stuff as well.

        1. Donna L
          Donna L November 10, 2013 at 2:23 am |

          Ah, ok, sorry for the mistake! I forgot that there was more than one Mount Sinai Hospital.

          It isn’t necessarily a coincidence that they’re both known for work in the GI field, cancer-related and otherwise (Crohn’s Disease was named after Dr. Crohn of Mount Sinai in NYC, for example), given that they were both founded by and for the Jewish communities in their cities, and given the high prevalence among Jews of GI-related illnesses.

          Anyway, I’m very glad to hear that things are going so well for you.

    3. Kerandria
      Kerandria November 8, 2013 at 8:59 pm |

      Fuck cancer, indeed! I’m so glad that the surgery went well – I wish you a fast and complication-free recovery!

    4. trees
      trees November 8, 2013 at 9:12 pm |

      That’s pretty fucking great that you didn’t get the ostomy and will be able to eliminate via the rectum! I second Kerandria in wishing you a fast and complication-free recovery!!

    5. Ally S
      Ally S November 8, 2013 at 9:28 pm |

      Yay! And fuck cancer.

    6. Alexandra
      Alexandra November 8, 2013 at 9:32 pm |

      I’m so glad that you’re well!

    7. PrettyAmiable
      PrettyAmiable November 8, 2013 at 9:37 pm |

      Yaaay! So good to hear! Also great that you’re going home so soon!

    8. Willemina
      Willemina November 9, 2013 at 1:02 am |

      Woo hoo! \o/

    9. miga
      miga November 9, 2013 at 2:13 am |

      Yay! You show that cancer who’s boss!

    10. moviemaedchen
      moviemaedchen November 9, 2013 at 7:28 am |

      Yay!! And yes, fuck cancer – hopefully it’s gone for good! Thanks for letting us know the good news. *hugs if wanted*

    11. Angie unduplicated
      Angie unduplicated November 9, 2013 at 11:55 am |

      Happy you evaded the ostomy. Have you considered getting something tattoed around the scar and turning it into an Evil Cancer-killing Grin?
      Ally, many smaller businesses would love to have someone with coding skills so they can customize their software. Can college career counseling services help you with potential placements if RAINN doesn’t work out?

      1. Andie
        Andie November 10, 2013 at 8:39 pm |

        I have had a few people suggest turning my scar into a tattoo.. I’m a little iffy about large pieces since i am on anticoagulants after developing yet another DVT while in the hospital.

        I have, however, decided that I would like to get the periodic symbol for titanium (or the molecular structure of titanium carbide) as a symbol for strength and light. Since I tangentially work in the science field (actually publishing, but of science-themed periodicals), it ties in as well.

        Since I got divorced I’ve been wanted to get something that symbolized strength but always worried about getting lost in translation, and now being appropriative as well, so I think using a periodic symbol gets around that nicely.

        1. EG
          EG November 12, 2013 at 1:03 pm |

          My mom has gotten two tattoos and a nose piercing since her divorce from my dad. I think it’s a great way to mark the difference bodily.

    12. debbie
      debbie November 9, 2013 at 5:42 pm |

      Yay! So glad to hear that all went well.

      Hope they treated you well at Mt. Sinai (guessing in Toronto based on your previous posts). I’ve always had excellent experiences there.

      1. Andie
        Andie November 10, 2013 at 12:48 am |

        It was probably the best hospital stay I’ve had. The staff are super nice and know what they’re doing.

    13. EG
      EG November 12, 2013 at 1:02 pm |

      That’s wonderful, wonderful news! Thank you so much for taking the time to let us all know. I’m sending my best wishes for the easiest recovery the world has ever seen!

  3. Alexandra
    Alexandra November 8, 2013 at 9:37 pm |

    Life goes on. I had a week in the hospital two weeks ago and I’m doing much better now, but I’m staying with family in the interim, which is not ideal. Looking forward to moving out again in the near future, because I’m anticipating much better financial aid next year. I’m also gearing up to apply for summer research gigs.

    Oh, and I got to make glow-in-the-dark bacteria today with GFP plasmids. That was cool. Reminded me just how much I love the hands-on bits of microbiology: it’s almost like a ritual, the repeated sterilization of inoculation loop and spreader bar, the micropipettes and pipette tips, the plates, the smell of LB agar. I really do love the work.

    And next semester I get to take Evolution + Population Genetics, a once-every-few-years course, which is exciting. I just have to survive the Genetics intensive this winter.

    Also, I have been having trouble with Condescending Dudes lately. I don’t know why. I have some wonderful female classmates who I hang out with and who give me confidence and support, and a great female mentor, but because I’m unafraid to ask questions and express gratitude, I get treated like a dependent newbie by a certain type of male science student who views those traits as signs of weakness, when in fact they’re signs of emotional maturity. Sigh.

    1. moviemaedchen
      moviemaedchen November 9, 2013 at 7:34 am |

      Ooh, I hope you’re doing ok, hospital ouch. Yay science fun though!

      but because I’m unafraid to ask questions and express gratitude, I get treated like a dependent newbie by a certain type of male science student who views those traits as signs of weakness, when in fact they’re signs of emotional maturity. Sigh.

      Oh jeez. I’m sighing with you. Grr. They’re the ones that need to grow up.

    2. EG
      EG November 12, 2013 at 1:05 pm |

      Hospital stays are never any fun. I’m glad you’re out now.

      Am I right in remembering you posting here when you were first able to move out away from your family? If so, here’s hoping we’ll see another joyous post like that soon.

  4. Kerandria
    Kerandria November 8, 2013 at 9:37 pm |

    My life’s been so, so busy — between FT work, FT school, mandatory OT, clinicals, work presentations, term projects, papers, multiple committees, physical training and therapy I hardly know what to do with myself! I feel dangerously close to losing my shit and am doing my best to bail water from the boat and hope I can keep on moving until the end of the semester. I can’t imagine how much more difficult this would all be without Mrs Kerandria and our cat family — those cats are some of the nicest people I know!

    But OH MY, IT’S ALMOST DOCTOR WHO DAY. :D

    1. Willemina
      Willemina November 9, 2013 at 1:19 am |

      But OH MY, IT’S ALMOST DOCTOR WHO DAY. :D

      Equal parts excitement and trepidation on that one.

    2. moviemaedchen
      moviemaedchen November 9, 2013 at 7:34 am |

      Cats make everything better.

    3. EG
      EG November 12, 2013 at 1:07 pm |

      Some of my best students do full time work and full time school, and I am totally in awe of them. I’m glad you’ve got Mrs. Kerandria for support!

  5. Ally S
    Ally S November 8, 2013 at 9:52 pm |

    I’m starting a new comment thread for that comment I accidentally made in reply to mac:

    @PrettyAmiable

    Is it naive to ask if like, internet friends could write you references? You have more than a few fans here.

    It’s not naive, but I don’t know if anyone would take such references seriously. I mean, it will all boil down to “Some regular commenters at a blog think I am [insert attributes].” Wouldn’t employers just side-eye that? IDK.

    1. Kerandria
      Kerandria November 8, 2013 at 10:06 pm |

      Will they actually be checking up on your references? Is there any way to find out?

      1. Ally S
        Ally S November 8, 2013 at 10:14 pm |

        From the application page (https://rainn.applicantpro.com/jobs/l/38366.html):

        To apply: Please submit a resume, cover letter and two (2) references to the attention of Dr. Tony Korol-Evans. Please note: Incomplete responses will not be considered. In your cover letter, please indicate what shift(s) you are available, including whether or not you are willing to complete an overnight shift.

        So yeah, it seems to me that they’ll check for everything.

        1. ldouglas
          ldouglas November 8, 2013 at 10:42 pm |

          Will they actually be checking up on your references? Is there any way to find out?

          Everything I’ve seen on here suggests that Ally is the type of mature, smart, capable person any org would be lucky to have.

          That said.

          I am massively opposed to the idea of, in any way, subverting, misleading, or dodging the application process for something like RAINN or a rape crisis center. They require social work degrees and references and so on for a reason. This is not the type of thing it’s OK to fuck around with.

          It’s never more important for someone to get a job at RAINN than it is for them to be qualified for such a job. Ever.

        2. Ally S
          Ally S November 9, 2013 at 12:34 am |

          I am massively opposed to the idea of, in any way, subverting, misleading, or dodging the application process for something like RAINN or a rape crisis center. They require social work degrees and references and so on for a reason. This is not the type of thing it’s OK to fuck around with.

          I agree completely. I mean, it would be nice if I could avoid some of the requirements, but that’s purely a selfish thing and it really wouldn’t be good for anyone (whether it’s me or the people I’m trying to help) in the long run. I shudder at the thought of being a hotline operator who is completely unfit for the job.

        3. Kerandria
          Kerandria November 9, 2013 at 11:19 pm |

          I’m sorry if my response gave the impression that I was suggesting that Ally mislead or lie to anyone, especially RAINN, in any way.

          Ally — Did my words give you the impression that I was inferring something negative about you as a person? I’m not asking to be snarky — 1Douglas’s reply has me wondering and I absolutely do NOT want to cause you any harm.

        4. Ally S
          Ally S November 9, 2013 at 11:32 pm |

          Oh, no, I wasn’t bothered by your reply at all! I understand why you asked about whether they would check for references. I definitely didn’t see your reply as making some kind of judgment against me.

    2. Ally S
      Ally S November 8, 2013 at 10:08 pm |

      Can a mod please delete the comment I accidentally made in response to mac? I’ll just put it here in response to my own instead:

      I quit my first job a while ago, and now my savings are draining quickly. So I need to get a new job very soon. As someone with only a working knowledge of some web development tools, Ruby, and Java, I really don’t have much hope in getting another coding job anytime soon. I need much more knowledge and experience considering that most well-paying jobs I’ve seen so far require me to already have a B.S. in computer science, senior-level experience with C, several years of experience in an object-oriented programming language, etc. In short, that kind of job is out of the question for the time being.

      That means I have to try to apply for completely unrelated jobs. I really want to work for RAINN or a similar organization (or at least do some volunteering for experience among other things), but I’m afraid of being confronted by the family for choosing such a job. They’ll probably get upset at me because they think Truly Modest People completely distance themselves from anything that is remotely related to “sex.” (I don’t think rape is sex, but that’s the view they have.)

      Aside from that, I feel discouraged as well because the paid position at RAINN that I’m interested in requires two references, and I think only my philosophy teacher could write a reference for me. And the rape crisis centers in Santa Cruz and Santa Clara have positions whose requirements are pretty difficult for me to meet, needless to say. I mean, I don’t even have any experience in social work, which many of these positions require.

    3. Ally S
      Ally S November 9, 2013 at 11:27 am |

      @moviemaedchen

      I’m sorry you’re in such a stressful place, Ally. Hugs if wanted. What kind of references do they need?

      I have no idea what they have to be like exactly, but I think they just have to show that other people think I’m suited for that job.

      1. Hrovitnir
        Hrovitnir November 10, 2013 at 3:25 pm |

        You can’t get a reference from your last job? It doesn’t need to be effusive, just say that you are reliable, pretty much. Or is that a no because they’re associated with your father? :/

        1. moviemaedchen
          moviemaedchen November 11, 2013 at 5:26 am |

          Yeah, this is what I was thinking. But if the association with your father makes that not workable for you, is there anyone else you’ve ever performed any sort of work for, even as a volunteer or student or whatever? Someone who could testify that you’re reliable, do good work, etc.

  6. Willemina
    Willemina November 9, 2013 at 1:49 am |

    First week of no longer being a temp at my job, yay!

    Full week of working in close proximity with an odious coworker, boo!

    Two days of being excluded from all work flow conversations in our area while at the same time being responsible for reporting metrics to management, super boo!

    My nerves are absolutely destroyed and I’d been feeling the stress in all my familiar spots. I just want to be able to go to work, do my job and not have to worry about someone shifting the goalposts on me half-way through the day. It doesn’t help that my work brother has been bumped up to a weird flex schedule that keeps her running ragged so I’m left without an effective release valve (I’m her work sister and we’re mutual pissed-offedness supports).

    The piece de resistance of this progressively shitty week is there’s a funeral service for a coworker tomorrow and the only black clothes I have are dresses and tank tops. That’d be a great venue to come out to my coworkers, amirite? This bullshit has left me feeling so misanthropic I’m not even sure I’m up to going, but then I’d never hear the end of it. Le sigh…to be a rat, if only.

    1. moviemaedchen
      moviemaedchen November 9, 2013 at 7:39 am |

      Ouch. That work situation sounds like no fun at all – hugs if wanted. I hear you on the feeling misanthropic thing too. I hope you can manage something that feels ok to you somehow for the funeral.

    2. Angie unduplicated
      Angie unduplicated November 9, 2013 at 12:01 pm |

      Is black essential? I wore a blue business suit to my dad’s funeral and nobody batted an eyelash. This town, further into the hills, still accepts clean pressed overalls as funeral attire. The idea of fashion policing sincere mourners gives me the creeps and a slow, bad, burn.

      1. Willemina
        Willemina November 11, 2013 at 4:30 am |

        It wasn’t an expectation or anything, but it was a sort of internal deal for me. I was already going to stand out as a tall-ish white person, I didn’t want to add dark blue and maroon to that already awkward feeling combo. In the end I got a nice black and charcoal ensemble together and got through it. Good phở helped immensely.

  7. miga
    miga November 9, 2013 at 2:36 am |

    Hey everyone! I have been MIA for a while, but I wanted to pop in and see how you lovely people were doing.

    I’ve been pretty depressed lately. A couple months ago I started a D/s relationship with a guy, but right as I was really starting to fall for him we had a fight and broke up as a result :( I’d been stressed and anxious anyway (bedbugs, insurance issues, career issues, money issues, a large fire in my building, a huge falling out with friends/ex roommates over hundreds of dollars that I still have not received) but I was trying to keep ahead of the depression for the sake of my career and this guy and…ya know…my sanity. After we broke up it was like my spirit sat down and cried, and i’m too tired to get back up. Things just don’t seem to be going my way lately. But next month I should have insurance solved and my friends said they’d return my portion of the deposit in January, so maybe things are looking up?

    I ran out of medication for a few days and had to go to a clinic for more. I was twitchy and weepy and had a short temper. I couldn’t think straight. My head was throbbing and foggy and heavy and I was crying and tired and energized and confused. All of this did not help me make my case with the people that they messed up my scheduling and I needed to be seen that day, but a very kind nurse helped me out. All the same, I don’t like being addicted to things…even if they help me and I need them to be stable…

    1. moviemaedchen
      moviemaedchen November 9, 2013 at 7:37 am |

      Hey. I’m sorry you’re dealing with such stress – depression can just run right over you, ouch. Hugs if wanted. I hope things are indeed looking up now.

    2. EG
      EG November 12, 2013 at 1:09 pm |

      Hi miga, I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough spell. Good insurance can make a big difference in a person’s life for sure, though. But depression is just so awful. I’m sorry.

  8. moviemaedchen
    moviemaedchen November 9, 2013 at 7:48 am |

    Week’s been ok. I got a package from home with (yes!) my favorite soup mixes, because they have no to-me-edible instant chicken soup here whatsoever. I missed my dancing class (boo!) because of a stupid writing assignment that is still not finished, despite being only 400 words required length. Not sure why it’s turned into such a miserable slow chore, except maybe the fact that I felt like I was done with homework and now I feel like it’s first year of college all over again? Boo.

    Also, Loki. God of mischief is right, because he’s a major distraction. I haven’t even seen the new movie yet (Boo staggered releases!), but my facebook feed and my tumblr dash are now just wall-to-wall with pictures of Tom Hiddleston is leather armor. Somebody turn off my internet before I completely crack and buy a plane so I can go watch the damn thing already, please.

    1. Bagelsan
      Bagelsan November 10, 2013 at 1:58 pm |

      Just saw Thor… and Loki is so, so delicious. OMG. I was essentially tuned out during the non-Loki parts of the movie ’cause I was thinking about the Loki parts. Damn that man.

      1. moviemaedchen
        moviemaedchen November 11, 2013 at 5:22 am |

        Yeah, that’s what got me through the first Thor movie. I went to see it because I needed something to do for two hours in the middle of the night (I forget why) and it was the only thing playing. I was like ‘meh’ until Loki walked on and then I was like ‘wtf who is this man?’ Delicious indeed.

        There’s actually a petition going round asking the studio to give Hiddleston his own Loki movie. I daresay they’d make a bundle on that, judging from the reaction he got at Comic-Con. *wants a time machine and a ticket to the con*

        Or they could just cut out the boring non-Loki parts of the Thor movies and the Avengers, stitch the rest together, and screen that. I’d go. XD

        1. Bagelsan
          Bagelsan November 11, 2013 at 9:44 pm |

          I like your idea about just stitching together the Loki bits! The Thor movies are otherwise fairly shitty, frankly. The whole series should just be Loki acting like a giant sexy dick to everyone, and Thor getting punched in the face repeatedly, as those are the only watchable parts.

        2. moviemaedchen
          moviemaedchen November 13, 2013 at 8:30 am |

          @Bagelsan

          The Thor movies are otherwise fairly shitty, frankly. The whole series should just be Loki acting like a giant sexy dick to everyone, and Thor getting punched in the face repeatedly, as those are the only watchable parts.

          XD This.

          Have you seen the video going around of Hiddleston and the Loki cosplayer at the Thor 2 premier? He comes over, she’s like “Kneel!” and he fucking kneels.

  9. Donna L
    Donna L November 9, 2013 at 11:47 am |

    As usual, I have an impossibly overwhelming amount of work that has to get done this weekend, and am feeling very depressed because I already know it’s impossible to get it done. Hopefully that won’t prevent me from at least trying to do some of it.

    Plus I’m still recovering from some kind of horrible flu-related virus that I’ve been more or less sick with for almost two weeks now.

    But mostly I’m thinking about the fact that Kristallnacht was 75 years ago today, November 9, 1938. And thinking about what happened at my mother’s school in Berlin the next morning,* and everything that happened to her and her family after that.

    * It was a Jewish school, of course, and it was attacked the morning of November 10 by a large, organized mob of Hitler Jugend, singing their songs about how good it feels when Jewish blood spurts from your knife. But the teachers managed to hold them off in front long enough for the children, including my mother, to escape out the back.

    1. Angie unduplicated
      Angie unduplicated November 9, 2013 at 12:09 pm |

      That sounds more like objective realism than depression. A substantial number of the human race are shit-sucking predators of appalling viciousness.

  10. PeggyLuWho
    PeggyLuWho November 9, 2013 at 9:18 pm |

    Trigger warning – rape and sexual assault

    Has anyone else seen this blog post? [TW - graphic description of sexual assault] http://putyourdamnpantson.com/2013/11/05/guest-post-i-wont-apologize-for-being-assaulted/

    The author talks about how people view her frankness about having been assaulted as an inconvenience to them, and what it’s like to see her friends and acquaintances embrace–literally and figuratively–the man who assaulted her.

    It sounds familiar. I had to cut out a lot of ‘friends’ from my life, because I just got tired of seeing my rapist be invited to social functions by them. (Admittedly, I didn’t tell very many people the full story.) I think I also mentioned before that I was breaking up with my best friend. What happened was that about two years ago at a party, her boyfriend climbed on top of me when I was drunk and falling asleep in her room, and he stuck his hand up my shirt and tried to get me to take off my pants. Thankfully he didn’t rape me, but she kept dating him for almost a year after I told her, and ultimately I decided that she couldn’t be part of my life anymore.

    Long pointless ramble, but main point – people suck.

    1. Andie
      Andie November 10, 2013 at 9:00 pm |

      So many people missed the point in those comments… I don’t think the Op was just randomly posting Facebook rants. What I envisioned was scenarios probably similar to this:

      Person, possibly with knowledge of OPs past: So excited! Got tickets to see Rapey Band tonight!
      OP: I told you that their singer sexually assaulted me, right?
      Person: why do you have to be like that? That was forever ago! Now I’m gonna feel bad if I go! I paid $30 bucks I have to go!

      Also so many people gave her shit for not reporting because it may have prevented more rapes, without realizing that her Facebook posts and approaching fans wearing the merchandise may have prevented a whole lot of assaults in and of itself.

      1. ldouglas
        ldouglas November 12, 2013 at 5:52 am |

        I am not OK with this.

        If the OP wants to talk to friends/family/acquaintances whatever about the band being rapey, fine. If they want to post about it online, or write a blog, or write an editorial, fine. But what they described- approaching random strangers in the street wearing the band’s shirt and saying “hey by the way here’s a story about me getting raped?” That’s wildly out of line. It’s potentially triggering. It’s invasive and threatening.

        1. Bagelsan
          Bagelsan November 12, 2013 at 5:34 pm |

          Yeah, agreed. It’s like: “I got assaulted, so let me verbally assault random people! To prevent assault!”

  11. JetGirl
    JetGirl November 10, 2013 at 5:57 pm |

    Hey Feministe commenters with school-age kids, or who teach math, I’m working on my book about numeracy and math education, and was wondering if anyone had opinions/feelings about the way math is taught to kids right now. I’ve been studying Everyday Math, Common Core, and others, and some of the stuff seems needlessly complicated. Please feel free to vent!

    1. macavitykitsune
      macavitykitsune November 10, 2013 at 7:06 pm |

      Hi JetGirl,

      Daughter of a math teacher, parent of a grade 7 kid, so I guess I fall into your survey target, but… do you want an Albertan/Indian perspective? ’cause if it’s just US stuff you want to know about, I’m probably useless.

      1. JetGirl
        JetGirl November 10, 2013 at 7:12 pm |

        Perspectives on how math is taught outside the US are welcome!

        1. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune November 11, 2013 at 11:25 pm |

          Okay. tl;dr – math is awful here. I’m honestly not sure how the fuck they expect these kids to go to college and do things like math, and I would attribute a huge amount of the people who flunk math in high school and in the transition to college to the fact that there’s a massive leap in expected skill somewhere in there. I mean, fuck, I knew my tables up to twelve before I was five, and even most of the other kids I knew – the ones who didn’t grow up with my dad for a math teacher – had a good grasp on multiplication, division etc by the second grade, or the third at the latest. This insistence on “intuitive” learning – what a load of hogwash – is just creating a generation of kids who have no ability to calculate quickly, which is a right nightmare when they’re trying to navigate math skills elsewhere (the level of incomprehension I’m faced with in my tutoring job when people can’t multiply pages by words to arrive at an approximate word count never fails to upset me). Honestly, the functions are never going to be “fun”, except in the way that learning anything can be fun (i.e. quizzes and group activities and yelling excitedly at your teacher, stuff like that). Might as well teach ‘em to memorise and move on, instead of spending three years trying to give them the Deep Thoughts On Life version of basic arithmetic. For fuck’s sake, what a mess it is.

        2. JetGirl
          JetGirl November 12, 2013 at 12:57 am |

          Gosh, it sounds like Canada is dealing with the same crap as the US! Thanks for your insights!

        3. Willemina
          Willemina November 12, 2013 at 1:13 am |

          That intuition poison has sunk into the science curriculum as well. I’m just waiting to hear about kids being told to spell words how they think they should be written.

        4. ldouglas
          ldouglas November 12, 2013 at 7:40 am |

          I really appreciate that my math curriculum required absolutely zero memorization. It was all collaborative, very little input from the teacher unless nobody in the class could figure out a given problem; we didn’t have a textbook, either, just lists of word problems. Oh, and the teacher refused to teach us new methods. Ever. All that hippy BS, right?

          Except it actually taught me incredibly valuable analytical skills, how to break down a problem with a group, how to use multiple approaches until you find one that makes sense to you, and so on. Learning the Pythagorean theorem is one thing; deriving it from first principles is another. Those are skills I use every day (and the math I need for my job is along the lines of multivariate statistical modelling and algebraic topography- not easy stuff, if I do say so myself). Of course you have to learn your multiplication tables at some point, but I actually think there’s a huge argument to be made for approaches other than rote memorization.

          If anyone’s curious, this is the basic outline: http://www.catlin.edu/news/upper-school/mathematics-where-students-learn-by-doing

        5. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune November 12, 2013 at 12:16 pm |

          ldouglas,

          which part of your comment contradicts what I said here:

          Honestly, the functions are never going to be “fun”, except in the way that learning anything can be fun (i.e. quizzes and group activities and yelling excitedly at your teacher, stuff like that). Might as well teach ‘em to memorise

          I never said to never teach any thinking skills ever because “hippy BS” (what?). I said that eventually you’re going to have to fucking learn that seven times seven is 49. Not the Pythagoras theorem; seven times seven. Which has a really objective and consistent answer of 49 in base 10 arithmetic. Did you have to do lots and lots of experimentation and develop advanced thinking skills in order to learn that water was wet, too? I mean, I didn’t, but I am continually awed by Western education, so I will listen most respectfully.

        6. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune November 12, 2013 at 12:18 pm |

          I mean, that was particularly weirdly snotty given that you then went on to say

          Of course you have to learn your multiplication tables at some point

          I mean…with all the fancy math stuff you do at work, do you still have to, like, pause and really contemplate the mechanics of 3×4 in order to arrive at 12? Or do you just know it? And how the flying fuck do you just know it except that you’ve memorised it?

        7. EG
          EG November 12, 2013 at 12:48 pm |

          I’m just waiting to hear about kids being told to spell words how they think they should be written.

          Oh, that happened long ago. In my sister’s elementary school, their spelling was never corrected in writing assignments because they didn’t want to discourage the students from writing, with the result that none of them ever learned how to spell worth a damn.

          My mother made me memorize my times tables from 0×0 to 12×12 when I was 7 or 8. Thirty years later, that remains one of the most useful things I ever did.

        8. ldouglas
          ldouglas November 12, 2013 at 4:57 pm |

          Wow, I’m really sorry- I really, really did not mean for it to read as condescendingly as it obviously does. My only point was that non-traditional teaching methods have been really valuable to me, and while I agree with the importance of memorization I also think there’s room for ‘intuitive’ learning and other things that seem wishy-washy.

          I really didn’t mean to seem combative. My apologies again.

        9. Willemina
          Willemina November 13, 2013 at 1:44 am |

          EG that is sad.

          ldouglas, I’m sorry if my disdain for “intuitive” pushed your reaction in any way. My sister ran afoul of an intuitive unit on electricity that left no one in the class with a basic understanding of even Ohm’s Law because they were just supposed to figure it out. I mean, they had batteries and wire just like he did right?

        10. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune November 13, 2013 at 2:06 am |

          ldouglas – no worries, I think I was being too defensive, looking back on it. Sorry for getting combative. I guess it just pisses me off when people talk about ‘intuitive’ learning because a) I’m really incapable of intuitive learning when it comes to math, so I know others are being left behind, b) I’m very capable of intuitive learning when it comes to languages, so I know it’s very attractive as an approach for people who can pull this off. I guess it just makes me doubly wary when generalising about “oh everyone can intuitively learn grammar haha” because I know it’s not everyone, and because I know I have a tendency to do it. I guarantee that for every kid in your class who really understood math better because of the hands-on approach, there was one who didn’t.

        11. EG
          EG November 13, 2013 at 9:12 am |

          I guess it just makes me doubly wary when generalising about “oh everyone can intuitively learn grammar haha” because I know it’s not everyone

          Oh God. My MA students, who are mostly teachers in elementary, middle, and high schools, tell me that they’re actually not allowed to teach grammar. Which explains an awful lot about my undergrads, sadly.

        12. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune November 13, 2013 at 10:39 am |

          Oh God. My MA students, who are mostly teachers in elementary, middle, and high schools, tell me that they’re actually not allowed to teach grammar.

          asfkljsdfkdfl

          I believe it. I especially believe it because my seventh-grader is bringing home grammar worksheets that are, I shit you not, the same stuff I was required to learn. In eighth grade. IN ESL. What the everloving fuck.

          Also, the number of tutees I get who don’t understand possessives, commas, contractions and semicolon use is sad and depressing. The speed with which they are able to fix that once I explain the rules is even more sad and depressing, because it’s just made insanely clear to me that this is NOT their fault or their stupidity (in most cases), it’s that no one’s sat down and just explained stuff to them. It’s sick.

        13. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune November 13, 2013 at 10:40 am |

          Argh. Intensely. INTENSELY. WTF. I need coffee.

          *comment about comment in mod*

        14. JetGirl
          JetGirl November 13, 2013 at 1:52 pm |

          That explains why no one knows how to spell “lightning” and “shepherd” these days.

    2. Andie
      Andie November 10, 2013 at 9:01 pm |

      Ontarian with kid in grade seven.. I’ve notice that the teaching methods seem more convoluted than when I was a kid.

      1. JetGirl
        JetGirl November 10, 2013 at 9:06 pm |

        I came across this technique called “lattice” for multiplying. It seems to take forever. However, several teachers I talked to say the kids love it, and it’s a stepping stone to them learning the stacking method. Options are good?

        1. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune November 11, 2013 at 11:28 pm |

          It does take forever, and it’s a horrible horrible technique unless the teacher can explain it perfectly!!! Of course, if they can, it’s all fine, but otherwise things happen like my kid coming home with a terrible grade because she hadn’t actually understood how to do the lattice thing at all. Once I explained it, she was fine, but it sure didn’t help her any the way it was initially explained to her. Of course, her teacher that year was an ass of the first order, but really… any plan you base on having a perfect workforce is pretty much doomed from the start, isn’t it?

        2. ldouglas
          ldouglas November 12, 2013 at 7:50 am |

          It does seem overcomplicated.

          I don’t know if there’s a name for the method (it might just be too obvious) but this is the technique I’ve always used to do complicated large-number multiplication in my head (there are better ways if you can use a notepad, obviously):

          2115 * 378 =

          2,000*300 + 2,000*70 + 2,000*8 + 100*378 + 10*378 + 5*378=

          2*3*100*1000 + 2*7*10*1000 + 2*8*1000 + 37,800 + 3,780 + 5*300 + 5*70 + 5*8 =

          600,000 + 140,000 + 16,000 + 37800 + 3,780 + 1,500 + 350 + 40 =

          799,470

          That is, to just keep breaking one or the other factor down until you get to chunks you can do mentally, and then reassemble them.

          The only problem is it it gets significantly harder with three or more numbers, because the number of steps rises exponentially with each new factor.

        3. ldouglas
          ldouglas November 12, 2013 at 7:56 am |

          I feel like so many tricks like that- which are profoundly helpful- aren’t taught at all. Like when you’re adding a ton of numbers together, knowing to make sets of 10 by looking for final digits that add up (so if you have to add 76, 64, 50, 93, 48, 12, 57 start by adding 76+64 to get 140, 48 + 12 = 60, 57 + 93 = 150, so 140 + 60 + 150 + 50 = 200 + 200 = 400). Stuff like that made my life so much easier, and it wasn’t on any curriculum I ever learned.

        4. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune November 12, 2013 at 12:21 pm |

          ldouglas – I learned to use both of those methods. I’ll freely admit I’m not good at math (I have issues that fuck with my ability to do geometry, for instance) but my arithmetic techniques are pretty much exactly that.

  12. iris
    iris November 10, 2013 at 5:59 pm |

    Hi,

    Normally I just lurk on these threads. The reading here is enjoyable because many times the blog posts and/or comments have viewpoints that are witty, intelligent and incisive.
    So, that’s why I’m asking what you think about the pregnancy question on the ACA application.
    My thoughts are these:
    1. I wouldn’t mind if it was an initial question in order to get prenatal care and cover delivery charges for a pregnancy.
    2. The application requires one to agree when one signs it to let the health care exchange know when anything on the application changes.
    3. There is no exemption for reporting a change in one’s pregnancy status.
    4. To me, this means every woman who signs up through the federal or state exchange has to declare under penalty of federal law whether or not she is pregnant. And, if that status changes. And, in my state, one has to write down one’s due date.
    5. I find this worrisome, especially in Republican dominated states where the legislature has introduced and/or passed many laws over a woman’s body.
    6. This is especially worrisome in the almost 40 states with fetal homicide laws.
    Does anyone else find this sort of tracking worrisome? Or am I making too big of a deal about it?
    Note:
    I don’t expect you to take my word for it. Go to healthcare dot gov. Click on the icon for paper application. Open up the pdf and go to pages 3 & 5, questions 7&7a and 8&8a, respectively. On page 7 is the things one agrees to by signing the application.
    I’m open to reading your thoughts on this.

  13. Ally S
    Ally S November 11, 2013 at 3:13 am |

    In more positive news, I have apparently become obsessed with late 70s/early 80s music. When I was 14, I listened to basically nothing but late 80s heavy metal (Anthrax, Judas Priest, etc.) and Black Sabbath – now I find myself loving bands/groups like ELO and Fleetwood Mac. My music taste still isn’t very diverse, but it probably will be soon.

    1. Kerandria
      Kerandria November 12, 2013 at 12:06 am |

      I looooved Fleetwood Mac growing up. Stevie Nicks has a solo album called ‘Trouble in Shangri-la’ that you might like. I really enjoyed it. :)

      Have you listened to Heart, Jefferson Airplane, REM, David Bowie, or the Doors? If so, thoughts? Do you have any music you’d like to suggest?

      Mods: May we please have a music thread at some point in the future?

    2. pheenobarbidoll
      pheenobarbidoll November 12, 2013 at 8:33 am |

      Just an aside- Anthrax has been around since 81, Judas Priest became mainstream in 1980 ( British steel album) and Black Sabbath started in 68. So really, you’ve always listened to late 70s early 80s metal. Anthrax just didn’t become mainstream until late 80s. You’re now expanding to the rock genre of the same time period. Try some Pretenders and Concrete Blonde if you get a chance.

      1. Fat Steve
        Fat Steve November 12, 2013 at 1:51 pm |

        Anthrax has been around since 81, Judas Priest became mainstream in 1980 ( British steel album) and Black Sabbath started in 68. So really, you’ve always listened to late 70s early 80s metal. Anthrax just didn’t become mainstream until late 80s.

        Thanks pheeno! I was so hesitant to point this out for fear of being accused of nit-picking- but I wanted to say it. I’ve always found it somewhat odd when people us a set of dates as a genre of music. Like when people say ‘I love 80′s music’ to mean they like synth pop crap, when they clearly would hate any of the music I liked that was released during the 80′s. I remember hearing Anthrax being interviewed on the radio and announcing their first album ‘Fistful of Metal’ when I lived in Queens, so that was probably 82-83.

        Pheeno, You know Concrete Blonde is set to do some dates this year? I’ve seen both incarnations of that band (in NY 1989ish, then in Toronto 1992ish which was one of the best shows I’ve ever seen) and the first three incarnations of the Pretenders.

        My wedding song was off Concrete Blonde’s first album…Make Me Cry

      2. Ally S
        Ally S November 12, 2013 at 2:36 pm |

        Ah, I was being unclear. Sorry for that. I know that they were around before the late 80s – I’m familiar with albums like Fistful of Metal and Hell Bent for Leather. But initially I listened to only late 80s stuff from those bands, such as Among the Living and Painkiller.

        1. Ally S
          Ally S November 12, 2013 at 2:44 pm |

          Eh, Painkiller isn’t a late 80s album (1990), but it’s close enough.
          >_>

  14. trees
    trees November 13, 2013 at 8:52 pm |

    I just learned about this latest foray into Rich White Lady Empowerment: Lily Allen – Hard Out Here video
    Words, can’t find them.

    1. Andie
      Andie November 13, 2013 at 9:14 pm |

      I’m not sure how she’s satirizing Miley Cyrus, rather than just pulling the exact same shit.

      1. trees
        trees November 13, 2013 at 9:31 pm |

        At least Cyrus doesn’t seem to hold feminist pretensions.

        1. trees
          trees November 13, 2013 at 11:09 pm |

          This is not a repeat, this is not the exact same thing. This feels far more egregious to me since Allen purports to make some feminist statement all the while doing the same old, same old racist bullshit.
          And apparently there’s that time a few months back where she was in a beef and sent a pic of a penis dressed up in blackface to fellow famous person & WOC Azealia Banks.

    2. Donna L
      Donna L November 13, 2013 at 10:24 pm |

      I don’t get it either. It’s just repeating it, not satirizing it.

  15. Somebody's Sister
    Somebody's Sister November 15, 2013 at 3:00 pm |

    According to the state of California, if the caretaker of a minor child is NOT on welfare, the father of the child can get his child support obligation reduced from a measly $500 per month to zero.

    I just wanted to thank all the tireless men’s right’s advocates for putting yet another individual on welfare instead of owning up to your already small obligations and responsibilities towards your children.

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