Author: has written 177 posts for this blog.

tigtog blogs a lot elsewhere, but here on Feministe she mostly does the tech support and feeds the giraffe. tigtog tweets in flurries @vivsmythe.
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121 Responses

  1. Chataya
    Chataya November 15, 2013 at 7:40 pm |

    I’ve been fighting a skin infection since August; it is slowly clearing up but I just want it gone now. I can’t get a dermatology appointment until fucking March at the earliest.

    huffs and grumps

    1. khw
      khw November 15, 2013 at 9:57 pm |

      I am sorry that you’re so uncomfortable. I have three skin conditions (rosacea, eczema and psoriasis), so I get how irritated you must be.

      1. whistlewren
        whistlewren November 15, 2013 at 10:46 pm |

        Yup,skin stuff is so frustrating. And it takes so much time and energy to manage! Good luck with getting it under control soon

    2. Chataya
      Chataya November 18, 2013 at 10:33 am |

      Thanks khw and whistlewren! It’s been particularly itchy lately which prompted this rant.

    3. kittehserf
      kittehserf November 21, 2013 at 4:21 am |

      Bloody hell, that’s a long wait! :(

  2. Andie
    Andie November 15, 2013 at 7:48 pm |

    Sore and bored as fuck. Weather is shitty so getting out for walks has been a rare occurrence. Going a bit stir crazy, can’t drive anywhere due to opiate derived painkillers.

    On the bright side, pathology report came back quite promising. The tumour was stage II, no signs of involvement in the lymph nodes, which means the surgery may have actually got it all and I might get to skip chemo. Consulting with an oncologist on Monday. If I do have to do chemo I’ll be doing whatever I can to get transferred to the Barrie for treatment since driving to Toronto for this stuff is bullshit.

    I’ve been keeping moderately entertained, yet disgusted, watching the the antics of Mayor Rob “dear god why hasn’t he resigned yet” Ford.

    1. Fat Steve
      Fat Steve November 15, 2013 at 8:53 pm |

      I’ve been keeping moderately entertained, yet disgusted, watching the the antics of Mayor Rob “dear god why hasn’t he resigned yet” Ford.

      I’m not sure what to think about that story. I would 100% be behind the guy if all he did was smoke some crack and lie after getting caught. Here in the US that’s all we hear about. When I read a bit further on the CBC website, I saw that there are some other sex based allegations and general inappropriate public (i.e. while publicly representing the city,) behavior. However even there the whole smoking crack thing seems to be the issue.

      1. Andie
        Andie November 15, 2013 at 9:40 pm |

        There have also been issues with abusing his role as mayor in the past that he’s already been disciplined for, including hijacking the city’s transit system for personal use, consistent lateness and abscences from council meetings, sexually inappropriate conduct etc. he was also videotaped making violent threats against someone. The common defence for a lot of these things is that he was drunk at the time.

        My mom tried to defend him by saying “The guy hasn’t been able to do anything right since he was elected!” And I’m like “I know! Because he’s a shitty mayor!

        1. Willemina
          Willemina November 16, 2013 at 2:48 pm |

          Didn’t the Toronto Star break the story months ago? I seem to remember an interview on As it Happens with the reporter and straight denials of all crack smoking and drunkenness on the job from the Mayor’s office. It just sounded like the guy was riding for a fall Rush Limbaugh style.

        2. Andie
          Andie November 16, 2013 at 2:52 pm |

          Back in April there were rumours of a crack-tape, but this past month Toronto police confirmed that they had a copy in hand, at which point Ford confessed.

        3. BabyRaptor
          BabyRaptor November 17, 2013 at 7:18 am |

          The fact that he can’t do anything right is a *defense*? o0

        4. Andie
          Andie November 17, 2013 at 10:03 am |

          I know, right? I think she meant it in a “Everybody (read: the media) is just waiting for him to fuck up and call him out on every piddly mistake” kind of way but at this point I don’t think that anyone can deny he’s given the media an ample amount of ammunition.

          The Toronto city council vote to strip him of pretty much everything but his title is probably the most council has been united on any subject since… Ever.

    2. EG
      EG November 16, 2013 at 3:28 pm |

      Hey, it’s good to know that Ford is fulfilling some decent function–you deserve all the entertainment you can get!

      Fingers crossed for you, Andie.

    3. Andie
      Andie November 19, 2013 at 10:05 am |

      There was a miscommunication over the phone. I’m stage 1. NO CHEMO!

      Now just to concentrate on recovering from the surgery.

      1. Donna L
        Donna L November 19, 2013 at 10:17 am |

        Congratulations! That’s very wonderful news.

      2. kittehserf
        kittehserf November 21, 2013 at 4:22 am |

        Yay for recovery and no chemo, Andie!

  3. de Pizan
    de Pizan November 15, 2013 at 7:56 pm |

    I’m partial to Heart’s cover of Stairway to Heaven. The song itself is way overdone, but when they got tears and standing ovation from Led Zeppelin, they’re doing something right. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mf2O3OAQjng

  4. Fat Steve
    Fat Steve November 15, 2013 at 8:47 pm |

    An attempt at stirring a music discussion:

    I was trying to come up with the first line of the first song of the first album by my favorite bands (this list doesn’t include my 5 absolute favorites- just the first 5 I could think of the first line from.) I’d love to see some other peoples examples (without the band name to make it more fun to guess or google.)

    ‘Stay right there, go no further’

    ‘He’s in love with rock and roll, whoa’

    ‘That’s the way it goes, this city is so slow’

    ‘You dont want me anymore, so I’m walking out the door’

    ‘Those who know, they don’t let it show’

    1. Andie
      Andie November 15, 2013 at 9:52 pm |

      Oh, I love games like this!

      “Been to Reno, drives an El Camino, can you dig that style?”

      “The morning comes to a stuttering halt. The cool breeze that blows is somebody’s fault”

      “Over the moon, and over the top. Over the people, who told you to stop?”

      “Old world underground, where are you now?”

      “If I don’t take to the highway, I’m going to lose my head”

    2. EG
      EG November 16, 2013 at 10:59 am |

      I’m pretty sure #2 is The Clash’s “Janie Jones,” but I think you’ve got it wrong and the first line is “He’s in love with Janie Jones, whoa.”

      1. EG
        EG November 16, 2013 at 3:30 pm |

        No, never mind Steve, I should never have doubted you in your area of expertise! I’m sorry. You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking…

    3. victoria
      victoria November 16, 2013 at 3:24 pm |

      My all time favorite first line of an album:

      Jesus died for somebody’s sins, but not mine.

      Still gives me chills when I hear it.

      1. TomSims
        TomSims November 17, 2013 at 3:28 pm |

        I knew immediately it was Patti Smith from Horses circa 1979 or therebouts. It’s the only album I ever owned of hers

    4. Ally S
      Ally S November 16, 2013 at 4:11 pm |

      “Cat’s foot, iron claw”

      “Did you see your friend, crying from his eyes today?”

      “What is this that stands before me?”

      “Scary’s on the wall”

      “See them walking hand in hand across the bridge at midnight”

      Some of these are probably easy to figure out.

      1. Ally S
        Ally S November 16, 2013 at 6:23 pm |

        I also want to say that anyone who remembers and enjoys this old video game theme is an awesome human being.

        1. Computer Soldier Porygon
          Computer Soldier Porygon November 17, 2013 at 7:10 pm |

          Oh my god. Wow. I would never have thought of this again for the rest of my life, but I played the shit out of that game.

          How about this one?

        2. jb
          jb November 17, 2013 at 9:11 pm |

          Oh and I definitely remember Jazz Jackrabbit (the crazy shooting parrot was the best). This was more my style at the time though:

      2. jb
        jb November 17, 2013 at 8:59 pm |

        So I instantly recognized 3 and 4 as Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath on Black Sabbath and We Die Young by Alice in Chains on Facelift. Great choices by the way. What are the others?

        1. Ally S
          Ally S November 17, 2013 at 11:18 pm |

          1. King Crimson – 21st Century Schizoid Man
          2. Electric Light Orchestra – 10538 Overture
          5. Duran Duran – Girls on Film

          Those aren’t the only favorite bands of mine. My other favorite bands/groups/whoever are Iron Maiden, Dead or Alive, Judas Priest, Dream Theater, Entombed, Bolt Thrower, Rush, Anthrax, Tears for Fears, Megadeth, Metallica, Depeche Mode, Juno Reactor, Slayer, Pink Floyd, Supertramp, Saxon, Katatonia, Queensryche, Modern English, ABBA, A Flock of Seagulls, Billy Idol, Michael Jackson, and The Police. I think that’s all of them.

        2. Fat Steve
          Fat Steve November 18, 2013 at 10:43 am |

          Megadeth,

          Even if they were one of my favorite bands, I couldn’t put them on any list due to Dave Mustaine’s homophobic ‘Christian’ asswipery.

        3. Ally S
          Ally S November 18, 2013 at 11:31 am |

          Oh, dear…I completely forgot about that. X_X

          Perhaps Dead or Alive shouldn’t be in that list either because, although Pete Burns was inspirational to me when I was younger, Pete Burns recently called gay men predatory and unfaithful.

          Oh well. Scratch those two off the list, then.

        4. Fat Steve
          Fat Steve November 19, 2013 at 4:26 pm |

          1. King Crimson – 21st Century Schizoid Man
          2. Electric Light Orchestra – 10538 Overture
          5. Duran Duran – Girls on Film

          Those aren’t the only favorite bands of mine. My other favorite bands/groups/whoever are Iron Maiden, Dead or Alive, Judas Priest, Dream Theater, Entombed, Bolt Thrower, Rush, Anthrax, Tears for Fears, Megadeth, Metallica, Depeche Mode, Juno Reactor, Slayer, Pink Floyd, Supertramp, Saxon, Katatonia, Queensryche, Modern English, ABBA, A Flock of Seagulls, Billy Idol, Michael Jackson, and The Police. I think that’s all of them.

          Ally, I have some recommendations from the heavy metal DJ at our old station. Based on your tastes she suggests you check out Apocolyptica and Nevermore (excuse me, if you’re already familiar with both.) I can also suggest her boyfriend’s band (though she’s far to tasteful to do so,) called Shadowkeep

        5. kittehserf
          kittehserf November 21, 2013 at 4:26 am |

          Strewth, I’d forgotten the 10538 Overture had lyrics. Must be mumblemumble years since I’ve listened to it.

  5. whistlewren
    whistlewren November 15, 2013 at 9:03 pm |

    CN: DV, child custody matters.

    I’m scared. I’m scared i’m scared i’m scared.

    My mind and tummy and limbs are that particular type of paralysed mush right now that only my abusive ex can elicit. I have had to cut off contact between my kids and him because of increasingly abusive behaviour to me and them. Which means going against court orders for the time being, and getting harassed by him via phone and email. I have asked him to agree to a period of supervised contact, but he is adamant that he has done nothing wrong (surprise, surprise) and will get a recovery order if I don’t hand over the kids.

    I just want to be brave. I want to be angry, or logical, or something that isn’t scared. Just tell myself that he did a thing, and it was bad, and I am responding appropriately, and deal with things step by step. But I just want to curl up in a ball in the corner with my cat and cry and shake. I hate not having control over my trauma reactions.

    In summary: Grr! Erk! Blergh!

    1. Andie
      Andie November 15, 2013 at 9:54 pm |

      Hugs if welcomed. This sounds like a terrible time for you.

      1. whistlewren
        whistlewren November 15, 2013 at 10:23 pm |

        Thanks all. Hugs are super welcome! It is just good to vent in a place where this stuff is actually taken seriously, as opposed to courts/child protections agencies where they are so used to crappy behaviour that it gets totally normalised :-(

    2. khw
      khw November 15, 2013 at 9:57 pm |

      best wishes and hugs

    3. trees
      trees November 15, 2013 at 10:07 pm |

      I have no idea what to say, but I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through this. May your kitty cuddle time provide a much needed reprieve.

    4. sharon m
      sharon m November 15, 2013 at 10:21 pm |

      I’m sorry Wren. (((((wren)))))

    5. EG
      EG November 16, 2013 at 3:31 pm |

      This sound just awful, and I am in complete admiration of the way you’re able to handle it despite the trauma you continue to suffer. Good luck to you, and all the moral support I can send.

    6. moviemaedchen
      moviemaedchen November 17, 2013 at 6:23 am |

      HUGS

    7. a lawyer
      a lawyer November 17, 2013 at 5:14 pm |

      That sucks.

      If you don’t have a lawyer, get one ASAP. Even in situations where you are doing the right thing, deliberately disobeying a court order can get you in a lot of trouble. This sucks, and it is often hellishly unfair, but it is true nonetheless.

      If at all possible, work with someone to get an emergency order filed. And work with them (if warranted) to use the police, DSS, and third party services to obtain what you need, because if you deflect the decision onto someone else then you often won’t get in trouble at all. (For example, if the police issue him a no contact order, and if he therefore can’t contact you to arrange for picking up the kids. And so on.) If you’re the victim of abuse, you may be able to leverage victim services; they can help on their own and often have referrals to folks like me.

      And remember, there are FOUR TRUTHS:
      1) What you think happened;
      2) What he thinks happened;
      3) What an omniscient god would know actually happened, if you believe in one; and
      4) What a judge thinks happened, after hearing factual testimony and evidence, modified by the appropriate rules of evidence and rules of court.

      Only truth #4 matters in the context of a legal dispute. Don’t fall into the common trap of relying on #1 or #3; make sure that you collect and document sufficient evidence and assistance to make sure that you win on #4. Get a lawyer if you can.

      1. whistlewren
        whistlewren November 17, 2013 at 8:52 pm |

        Yup, I have a lawyer and I have reported stuff to child protection. The advice is that I have valid safety concerns and that I won’t be come down on too hard by the courts if I am acting protectively. And the magistrate assigned to my case is fantastic, and really onto it with DV stuff. So fingers crossed.

  6. khw
    khw November 15, 2013 at 9:54 pm |

    Two weeks to go before I sing in a tribute to Pink Floyd. We’re covering Dark Side of the Moon and Animals and I’m doing back up.

    It’ll be the first time I sing in public since I was 10 and in church, so, I am getting really nervous, especially with regard to taking on the Great Gig in the Sky. Still, I’m also pretty excited – the rest of the songs are coming together.

    I work from home, so having to get out of the house and go sing has been REALLY therapeutic for me and made me want to look for more singing opportunities.

    1. Andie
      Andie November 16, 2013 at 9:04 am |

      I used to get so nervous playing and singing in public and now it’s become one of those things that affects my emotional state if I don’t do it every so often. Good luck to you, I’m sure you’ll be great!

  7. Ally S
    Ally S November 15, 2013 at 11:57 pm |

    [Content note: abuse, drug abuse, suicidal ideation]

    I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that a trans friend of mine has helped me find Dimensions Clinic in San Francisco, which provides very lost cost (or even free) HRT prescriptions for trans youth ages 12-25. Of course, I can’t get prescriptions from that place yet since I still live with my dad, but it’s really helpful to know about such a place.

    Even better news is that I’ve learned to process and cope with my feelings towards memories of abuse in a healthy way. On Monday I was in my room, all curled up in my bed and riving with anxiety. My dad was staying home that day, and I didn’t want to even interact with him. I kept thinking about the time he angrily threw a bowl of food I was eating from and forced me to clean the mess (consisting of scorching hot ceramic bowl shards and curry of a similar temperature) with only my hands and thin paper towels. All because I wouldn’t sit down on the floor and eat with him.

    Yet I managed to calm myself down and tell myself “Yes, that was wrong. He shouldn’t have done that” and “I was crying when that happened, but a lot of people would cry in that situation, so it was ok.” I kept telling myself things like that and eventually I felt much better, like I gave myself some kind of closure in a away – if that makes sense. The result of all of this is that I’m now less scared of these memories, and I feel more ready to confront my other memories of abuse. I’ve been able to process my feelings about past abuse before, but this time I did it all without having to numb myself with drugs. I’m becoming less and less dependent on them these days.

    1. Ally S
      Ally S November 16, 2013 at 12:07 am |

      And the bad news is that, well, my suicidal ideation* has become much worse with the advent of more painful feelings of dysphoria. And on top of that, I feel extremely lonely and afraid most of the time. That’s partly because my brother has recently told me that he is going to move out before I do within the next few months. I’m not upset at him, as he has the right to escape the same shitty house I still live in (and my father has abused him even worse than he has abused me). But I feel very sad and worried because now moving out is going to be much more difficult – he won’t be there to help split the rent with me in case I try to move out and get an apartment/studio/whatever.

      So now I’ve been preparing to leave the house on a short notice. (I even wrote this draft of a letter to my dad’s side of the family in order to mentally prepare myself for coming out to them.) I know I shouldn’t be feeling rash like that because I need to be patient and work things out intelligently and calmly, but I just constantly keep thinking “I have to get out of this house and I don’t give a shit if it means I have to quit school, be homeless, etc.” My loneliness is a result of me missing small things like physical affection. Everyone thinks I hate hugs so no one (except people who don’t know me very well) bothers to do anything like that. Obviously no one is obligated to do that for me, but the absence of that sort of thing still hurts in a way. Sometimes I go to sleep, leaving some space on one side of the bed and almost wishing that someone were sleeping right next to me. Maybe that sounds silly to a lot of people, but my loneliness is just really hard to cope with these days.

      *I’m contacting Samaritans to see if they can help me out, so please don’t worry too much about that.

      1. EG
        EG November 16, 2013 at 3:37 pm |

        Ally, I think you’re amazing. You have been through such abuse and trauma, and yet every week in these threads I read about another step you’ve taken, another movement toward eventual freedom and happiness. I know these steps aren’t coming at the pace they should, but despite the constant battering your psyche is taking, you continue to make them. Every week, you continue to make them. I wish I could speed them up for you, and I wish you could see what I see in your posts–a resilient young woman who is not allowing herself to be ground to nothing, but continues to reach and move and grow.

        My mother’s mother was abusive and terrible, and the years she suffered as a teenager waiting to get out of that house were the most painful I can imagine. But she did it. She got out. The particulars are different–they always are–but you will get out too. You will get out and someday you will look back on this as something horrible, but also distant. And you will be happy.

      2. moviemaedchen
        moviemaedchen November 17, 2013 at 6:24 am |

        I’m glad that you’ve learned something that’s helping you with the emotions, and I’m so sorry the dysphoria is getting worse. Hugs. A step at a time.

      3. PrettyAmiable
        PrettyAmiable November 17, 2013 at 1:23 pm |

        Hugs, if you care for them Ally. Big hearts.

    2. Fat Steve
      Fat Steve November 16, 2013 at 12:24 am |

      Yet I managed to calm myself down and tell myself “Yes, that was wrong. He shouldn’t have done that” and “I was crying when that happened, but a lot of people would cry in that situation, so it was ok.” I kept telling myself things like that and eventually I felt much better, like I gave myself some kind of closure in a away – if that makes sense. The result of all of this is that I’m now less scared of these memories, and I feel more ready to confront my other memories of abuse. I’ve been able to process my feelings about past abuse before, but this time I did it all without having to numb myself with drugs. I’m becoming less and less dependent on them these days.

      That’s quite impressive change of outlook, especially as it seemed to be a fresh hell for you every week. I think you made a great decision WRT the drug taking, and I’m saying that as someone who smokes about a half ounce every week. If it doesn’t make you happy, what’s the point?

      1. Fat Steve
        Fat Steve November 16, 2013 at 12:26 am |

        ummm…obviously I hadn’t noticed that second post when I was praising your impressive change in outlook…

        1. Ally S
          Ally S November 16, 2013 at 2:18 am |

          Well, yeah, my overall outlook hasn’t gotten much better. But I will say this: I’m doing everything in my power to try to remain at least distantly hopeful. I know that some day I’ll be out of this hell. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m going through a lot of pain these days, but it’s still something that I need to keep in mind.

          And another note, I’ve been smoking way less, too.

    3. Bagelsan
      Bagelsan November 17, 2013 at 2:01 pm |

      “I was crying when that happened, but a lot of people would cry in that situation, so it was ok.”

      This kind of thinking sounds really good and healthy, and reminds me of cognitive behavioral therapy, in which you purposefully replace unhelpful negative thoughts with more realistic and helpful thoughts. You go through your automatic reactions to things and ask yourself: am I being accurate? Am I being reasonable? Are things really as bad as that? Etc.

      An example would be where something bad happens and your automatic thought is catastrophising, saying “now my life is ruined forever!” or it’s black-and-white thinking, saying “nothing is perfect so everything is terrible!” It’s really easy to think these things, especially when you’re depressed, so identifying and challenging the automatic thought is important.

      Then you ask yourself, am I making a thinking mistake? Am I trying mind-reading (“that girl didn’t say hi, she must hate me!”) or using a mental filter (“I can’t think of a personal success, I must be a failure!”) etc? And if you are you recognize it, and try to think up a new thought to replace the old one.

      For example: “Everyone in my life hates me.” –> “Well, most of the people in my life actually really like me, and I can always meet even more people that like and love me in the future.”

      Or maybe: “I failed at this test. I should be smarter than this.” –> “When I study hard I usually do really well, but not everything needs to be perfect; I should have ‘me’ time as well as study time.”

      Or perhaps: “I’m stuck in a miserable life forever.” –> “So far it’s been really rough, but I’m getting stronger and wiser and gathering my support system to get away from this. I can always change the future.”

      So I think your instincts are really good, and you seem to be doing all the right things. Hopefully the thought-swapping will help! And this might just be a “survival mode” year, yanno? Buckle down and try to arrange things to make the next year better, and remind yourself that this current shitty situation is far from a permanent arrangement.

      1. Ally S
        Ally S November 18, 2013 at 4:05 pm |

        Yeah, I’ve used cognitive behavior techniques before. I had horrible self-hatred when I was 17, and interestingly, I was able to get rid of the worst of it by “talking” to what I had called my “female self,” which I later discovered was my actual gender identity (not merely a side of my personality). I was one step away from realizing I was trans because I was even telling myself that my female self was my true self. It’s just that I only came to that realization a year later because I was in denial.

  8. Ally S
    Ally S November 16, 2013 at 12:12 pm |

    In other good news, my hair is finally growing back again. For a while I was almost panicking because I thought I was suffering from some unknown health problem that was impeding hair growth. But contrary to what my anxious mind likes to tell me, I should get my longest-ever length back in a few months. My dad made me cut it a few months ago so I could look “presentable” for a job I ended up not getting for various reasons. V_V

  9. EG
    EG November 16, 2013 at 3:38 pm |

    So. Got a letter this week. Good letter.

    It’s official.

    I got tenure.

    I am now one of those tenured radicals that Republican politicians hate so much!

    Yesterday was one long celebration, and I plan to continue the festivities, on and off, for the rest of my life, because I will have tenure forever!

    I won!

    1. EG
      EG November 16, 2013 at 3:46 pm |

      Oh, and for the music bit:

      Part of my celebration was putting my ipod on shuffle and dancing around with my godson (who’s learned how to say “tenure yay!” and clap his hands). Best part was my two-year-old godson spontaneously imitating Joan Jett’s screech in “I love Rock and Roll” (first line: “Saw him standing there, by the record machine…”).

      First lines from other songs we danced to:

      “Janie said when she was just five years old, there was nothing going on at all…”

      “An’ I wanna move the town to the Clash city rockers…”

      “Sandy, the fireworks are hailin’ over Little Eden tonight…”

      “I am that girl you know, can’t look you in the eye…”

      My musical tastes are very predictable, even on shuffle, I guess.

    2. macavitykitsune
      macavitykitsune November 16, 2013 at 3:56 pm |

      FUCK YES! Congratulations!

      1. EG
        EG November 16, 2013 at 4:00 pm |

        Thanks! It took a bit to sink in, but now I am totally on board the good ship FUCK YES!

    3. Donna L
      Donna L November 16, 2013 at 4:03 pm |

      That’s so, so wonderful. I am so very happy for you — and glad that your godson understands enough of what’s going on to know that it’s time to celebrate!

      And, yes, you did win. Please continue the festivities forever! Because you deserve all good things.

      1. Donna L
        Donna L November 16, 2013 at 4:08 pm |

        PS: I told J. your good news this morning, and he sends his congratulations as well!

    4. Ally S
      Ally S November 16, 2013 at 4:04 pm |

      Congrats EG! =D That’s awesome.

    5. Lolagirl
      Lolagirl November 16, 2013 at 4:58 pm |

      Congratulations on the tenure, EG, that’s awesome!

    6. Willemina
      Willemina November 16, 2013 at 5:34 pm |

      Congrats! Tenure means not wearing pants any more right?

      I kid, I kid.

      1. EG
        EG November 17, 2013 at 11:25 pm |

        Tenure means I can walk in there tomorrow wearing knee high boots, fishnet stockings, and a leather miniskirt and nobody can do anything about it!

        I mean, I wouldn’t. Because I would feel icky. But I could.

    7. Tony
      Tony November 16, 2013 at 11:11 pm |

      Congrats!

    8. TimmyTwinkles
      TimmyTwinkles November 17, 2013 at 12:56 am |

      Good for you EG!

    9. debbie
      debbie November 17, 2013 at 10:45 am |

      Amazing! Congratulations!

    10. PrettyAmiable
      PrettyAmiable November 17, 2013 at 1:11 pm |

      Congratulations!!

    11. EG
      EG November 17, 2013 at 11:13 pm |

      Thank you all so, so much! Perhaps this will be the birth of a new, less tightly strung EG…

      Well, I can dream, right?

      1. BBBShrewHarpy
        BBBShrewHarpy November 18, 2013 at 1:12 am |

        Congratulations! No need to be less tightly strung unless you want to be, though, it’s what gives you the edge.

    12. Kerandria
      Kerandria November 18, 2013 at 6:06 am |

      AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CONGRATULATIONS! <3

  10. ldouglas
    ldouglas November 16, 2013 at 4:24 pm |

    For the music bit, I currently am blasting this as loud as I can without the neighbors mobbing me:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCFXSIndYIk

    Always makes me smile.

    Also, congrats EG! I am consistently impressed by/grateful for your analysis here, and I’m sure your students are very lucky.

    1. Ally S
      Ally S November 16, 2013 at 4:51 pm |

      Hey ldouglas, since you’re a relatively new commentator here, can you please tell me what your PGPs (preferred gender pronouns) are?

      1. Lolagirl
        Lolagirl November 17, 2013 at 9:49 pm |

        Obviously not Ldouglas, but she and I had this discussion on board, and she is a she. At least from my understanding.

    2. EG
      EG November 17, 2013 at 11:14 pm |

      Thanks for the kind words, ldouglas! I am always interested to read your thoughts as well!

  11. macavitykitsune
    macavitykitsune November 16, 2013 at 4:49 pm |

    Dropped two courses I was planning to take next term. Planning to take an extra year (or one semester, at least) for my BA, now, so I can focus on work, too. I simply can’t handle 100% of a courseload on top of 18 hours at work, not and do housework and take care of the kid. I just can’t stay healthy. I’m already fucked up, and the school year isn’t even half over… and I’m scoring a B in one of my classes (so far; I hope to make up in the next couple of assignments). Which, okay, objectively that’s not a bad score, but it’s my lowest by two letter grades! The fuck. That’s not okay.

    But the mice are gone. My house is clean and looks pretty. I only have one final essay to go. I’ll take the good parts where I can get them.

    Re: music… well, I’d talk, but I highly doubt anyone would care about my Indian music. Or my cheesy anime music collection.

    1. BabyRaptor
      BabyRaptor November 17, 2013 at 7:24 am |

      I might be able to compare anime music with you…*is listening to the Slayers Revolution theme at the moment*

    2. EG
      EG November 17, 2013 at 11:17 pm |

      Sounds to me like you’re doing the right thing and making it possible for you to really excel in the courses you’re still taking. Frustrating, definitely, though. I’m sorry you’re in such a lousy position–it really sucks and is completely unfair.

    3. Kerandria
      Kerandria November 18, 2013 at 6:10 am |

      Mac – one of my favourite memories is working a ‘rave’ at an anime con — ‘Breeze’ came on AND EVERYONE STARTED SINGING AND I STARTED CRYING AND SINGING AND IT WAS POWERFUL. The same thing happened with Sera suta songu, moonlight densetsu, and cruel angel’s thesis.. intense. Those are the fragments life is worth living for.

    4. Kerandria
      Kerandria November 18, 2013 at 6:11 am |

      I feel you with the work/school thing — I can’t imagine how it would be to add childcare to the mix! Jedi hugs if you’d lke them, Mac.

    5. kittehserf
      kittehserf November 21, 2013 at 4:30 am |

      I sympathise about not being in the music discussion, Mac. Whenever that sort of thing comes up I bounce between Springsteen or Renaissance/Baroque or Celtic, none of which is generally relevant! :P

  12. anna_k
    anna_k November 16, 2013 at 7:59 pm |

    Hello feministe people!

    I’m a looooong-time lurker, first-time commenter. I’m a WOC feminist grad student, and other such things :)

    Been trying out a new experience of being brave enough to comment on many of the sites and blogs I’ve followed for squillions of years now.

    First post here prompted by my experience of commenting for the first time last night and today at a film site I really like(d) about the smorgasbord of racism in *that* new Lily Allen video. The various racist responses and their super-triggering effect on me meant I finally forced myself to leave the thread after being triggered by the sheer levels of white anger trying to silence me.

    A much more positive result is that I was filled anew with so much respect for the WOC and other folks here whose comments I admiringly read on the threads here, as they stand up for intersectional POVs from day to day! You all absolutely rule. So I guess I just wanted to express that, in case anyone needed a little dash of encouragement in their weekend (even if it’s from a total stranger who’s just been quietly reading your words for a long time- I realise that makes me sound *quite* weird!!)

    In totally unrelated news, I’ve been trying to get into the basics of simple Italian cooking. I just bought Viana La Place’s “Cucina Rustica”, and am excited to get a start on some of the salads and pasta dishes etc inside! Anyone have any tips for an Italian cooking beginner?

    1. trees
      trees November 17, 2013 at 6:46 pm |

      I’m very happy to know that there are other WOC here. I hope you aren’t run off too quickly. Remember that you have as much right to take up space and express your POV as anyone else. I’m looking forward to reading your contributions; Welcome!!

      Also, that Lily Allen video pissed me off even more than that Miley Cyrus performance, which was an abomination.

      1. anna_k
        anna_k November 18, 2013 at 12:28 am |

        Thank you for the welcome! :)

        I will try to remember that! And thank you for the affirmation. Last night was a pretty low point for that feeling as (on the film site) my snarky criticism of another commenter’s “Lily Allen video SO FEMINIST what is this racism you’re all chattin’ about” blog post that she linked to was met with fully three different angry ‘hdu use that tone’ posts and the original commenter declaring that I was so terrible and mean that she was now leaving commenting on that site forever.

        I felt like a horrible person for a few minutes because I truly hate the thought of making other people upset, but then I remembered that I’d started my first comment to her with “please” and assuming her mistakes re racism were in good faith and actually mistakes, but her instant angry response was that I should go criticise Drake/Rihanna etc instead. And I was the mean and angry one. Sigh, I guess there’s no way for WOC to win with “tone”!

        And yeah, on the vid specifically: they’re both awful in their approach and there’s probably not much profit to declaring one objectively worse (the funnest of competitions!) but (as I read on another blog post about this, can’t remember which one) MC was going for racist appropriation, whereas LA went for a racist “i’m too good for that black dancing and those black women who dance like that don’t have brains” message. So…nobody wins, but I probably also dislike LA’s more in the end.

        1. trees
          trees November 18, 2013 at 8:12 am |

          Last night was a pretty low point for that feeling as (on the film site) my snarky criticism of another commenter’s “Lily Allen video SO FEMINIST what is this racism you’re all chattin’ about” blog post that she linked to was met with fully three different angry ‘hdu use that tone’ posts and the original commenter declaring that I was so terrible and mean that she was now leaving commenting on that site forever.

          I felt like a horrible person for a few minutes because I truly hate the thought of making other people upset, but then I remembered that I’d started my first comment to her with “please” and assuming her mistakes re racism were in good faith and actually mistakes, but her instant angry response was that I should go criticise Drake/Rihanna etc instead. And I was the mean and angry one. Sigh, I guess there’s no way for WOC to win with “tone”!

          That’s some bullshit. Nice White Ladies don’t own feminism, in spite of their endless protestations to the contrary. It sounds like you had a face-off with White Woman’s Tears.

          And yeah, on the vid specifically: they’re both awful in their approach and there’s probably not much profit to declaring one objectively worse (the funnest of competitions!) but (as I read on another blog post about this, can’t remember which one) MC was going for racist appropriation, whereas LA went for a racist “i’m too good for that black dancing and those black women who dance like that don’t have brains” message. So…nobody wins, but I probably also dislike LA’s more in the end.

          I think there’s actually something in the lyrics about how she’s too good for twerking ’cause of her brains. In the MC performance, it feels like more appropriation and claiming of womanhood in opposition to the other. In contrast, LA seems to consciously and explicitly define feminist empowerment as for white women, in full knowledge of the commentary following MC’s video. LA can’t claim ignorance, her imaging seems very willful.

    2. EG
      EG November 17, 2013 at 11:18 pm |

      Welcome, anna_k! A long and happy commenting career to you!

      What are you studying?

      1. anna_k
        anna_k November 18, 2013 at 12:34 am |

        Thank you! :)

        I am a lawyer, specialising mostly in the aftermath of atrocities and related issues. This means I always have the best work anecdotes for dinner parties, of course (/I am never ever allowed to speak about work for fear of inducing spontaneous crying in unsuspecting friends).

        More seriously, my interests include comparative criminal and international criminal law, procedure and evidence. Current sub-interests include sexual violence law and po-co perspectives on international criminal trials.

        1. TimmyTwinkles
          TimmyTwinkles November 18, 2013 at 12:53 am |

          Not sure if i have standing to officially welcome anyone, but welcome anyway!! I’m not practicing, but in law school i did quite a bit of research on comparative constitutional and international law. Really interesting stuff. I currently do some advocacy stuff for an npo that focuses on international sex trafficking. I would bet we have alot of common interests. Anyhow, look forward to reading your comments!!

    3. dawnofthenerds
      dawnofthenerds November 18, 2013 at 11:39 pm |

      Welcome! I’m also trying to learn how to cook good Italian food. One thing I’ve learned from my early failures is that good quality ingredients is key. I tend to substitute a lot of things and cheap out, and that has only ended in goopy messes. I mean, the goop usually still tastes pretty good, but it ain’t real Italian food. That and recipes found on the internet are not a good way to go. Quality alfredo sauce should not have a white sauce base. Also learned that one the hard way.

  13. BabyRaptor
    BabyRaptor November 17, 2013 at 7:37 am |

    So, I’ve had an interesting couple weeks.

    I am currently condemned to long-sleeve shirts because my left arm looks like it went through a mini-shredder. Pro tip: Bearded Dragons do not like it when you attempt to clip their claws.

    My therapist has been prodding me RE my gender-fluidity, and I’ve finally decided to address the matter. (Context: I’m female equipped, but ‘project’ male about 90% of the time.) I can acknowledge this, but that’s where the train stops. I have massive issues with actually embracing it, or even using male pronouns to refer to myself. My brain freezes up when the therapist refers to me in the masculine. So I’ve been attempting to work on this. Therapist suggested starting with using the correct pronouns, but not much progress has been made as of yet.

    On the YAY! side of the scale, I’m in a new relationship with a very amazing guy. One week today, and everything has been simply sparkly. Very happy. ^_^

    As to the music, I am currently listening to Hinder’s cover of Eddie Money’s Take Me Home Tonight. Link for the curious. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5ZvvlWNYgo

  14. Fat Steve
    Fat Steve November 17, 2013 at 5:05 pm |

    Found out some shocking news today. The intern who used to answer the phones and get the tea at our old radio station was arrested alongside his father on child sex charges- seems it happened long before I knew him- so he must have been a child himself when it happened. I don’t even know how to process this…

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/father-and-son-stand-accused-of-raping-eightyearold-girl-together-8922521.html

  15. Karak
    Karak November 18, 2013 at 1:40 am |

    I live in Central IL, and a series of sixty tornados have ripped through here. 12 hours and counting with no power. My friend had a tree hit her house, my niece’s half-sister no longer has a house, my cousin’s in-laws no longer have a house, another cousin was MIA for two hours before he was found in an underground shelter buried in wreckage. My Facebook feed filled out with posts begging for nurses and doctors to help at makeshift triage centers. The National Guard just showed up. I used to be a mental health case manager; the tornado destroyed the apartments where my former clients lived.

    It’s so horrible. I’m sitting in my car, charging my phone, watching the sky for any signs of more weather. If any of you have the ability or the means, please donate to the Red Cross. Washington and Pekin are rural towns with high levels of poverty and blue-collar workers. It’s all so fucking unfair.

    1. Kerandria
      Kerandria November 18, 2013 at 6:17 am |

      I wish you luck, Karak. I’m so fucking sorry that this has happened to you and so many others.

    2. EG
      EG November 18, 2013 at 7:45 am |

      Holy shit, Karak, I had no idea. I’m so, so sorry. That’s terrifying. Please do what you can to stay safe. I’m wishing you the best of luck.

    3. KP
      KP November 18, 2013 at 11:33 am |

      I live in St. Louis. We were lucky, though there were a lot of downed trees and limbs littering the street. Miraculously, I didn’t lose power (lights only flickered a few times), but a lot of people in my area did. Stay safe, check in if you can.

    4. macavitykitsune
      macavitykitsune November 21, 2013 at 1:44 am |

      Karak, holy shit, that’s awful. I hope you’re all doing as well as can be hoped for given the circumstances.

    5. karak
      karak November 21, 2013 at 7:34 pm |

      Update: my power is back on–it was out for a perfect 24 hours. My apartment is fine. My hometown, Pekin (where I no longer live but am very close to), lost 46 homes and well over a 100 more sustained serious damage and are not livable. Washington lost uncountable homes–last I heard the count was in the multiple hundreds. Only one death, however, and the local, national, and international community have sent all kinds of aide. We are immeasurably grateful, especially going into the holiday season.

      Here are some pictures so you guys can see what happened here:

      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2509622/Washington-Illinois-tornado-Aerial-photos-incredible-scale-destruction-town.html

      And this one shows the “scouring” effect it had on the fields: http://i.imgur.com/yDgSCnu.jpg

  16. Donna L
    Donna L November 19, 2013 at 7:15 am |

    Part one of a long comment in moderation (which doesn’t have to be approved if it goes through this way):

    I’ve been really, seriously struggling lately with depression, inertia, and feelings of hopelessness about my future. I had already been having a lot of trouble for the last few years forcing myself to remain sufficiently functional at work — in a career I’ve never particularly enjoyed at any time, and have affirmatively hated for most of it — to keep my head (barely) above water. Recently, it’s been so bad that I’ve been threatened with being fired from my job (where I’ve been for 18 1/2 years) several times, if I don’t get my act together. And even that prospect hasn’t helped much. For example, I’ve been at my office all night but got nothing worthwhile done except napping for several hours. I just can’t seem to motivate myself anymore, and even fear doesn’t work.

    The problem is that I don’t honestly care very much, even though losing my job would be a complete financial disaster for me. At my age, in my career, and with my history (which there’s no way to keep secret), I know perfectly well (and please nobody try to suggest the contrary) that it would be virtually impossible to find another full-time job in my field. I wouldn’t care so much, even though I have very little in savings, but I’d probably end up in debtor’s prison (or the modern-day equivalent) for non-payment of alimony — about 40% of my after-tax income for a 15-year period which still has 7 years to run — because my present income would still be imputed to me. You’re not allowed to just quit your career! (Long story re why I agreed to “lifetime alimony”; it was before my transition and there were certain promises made to me that if I didn’t meet the financial demands being made, and went to trial, my transness would be revealed to the world and I might be denied access to my son, who was then still only 14 or so.)

  17. Donna L
    Donna L November 19, 2013 at 7:17 am |

    Part two: Plus if I lost my job I’d probably lose my apartment, since I have to prove I’m still employed every year in order to get my sublease renewed, and I don’t know how I’d be able to find another place. Not that I could afford one for very long anyway; my total savings add up to about a year of rent. I keep thinking I’m going to end up homeless. Meanwhile, my ex was able a couple of years ago to buy a new house for $450,000 in cash. I don’t want to sound like I’m whining; I agreed to what I agreed to.

    I think the underlying problem, though, has a lot to do with feeling that I have nothing at all that’s good to look forward to. I get a lot of pleasure from all the good things that (fingers crossed) have been going on for my son, and from all the good things that happen for my friends, but I don’t see anything good for me personally. That may sound self-centered, but that’s how I feel. Given that, it’s going to be very hard to force myself to continue working hard in a job I hate for endless years to come. I don’t see how I’m going to be able to hold on even until my alimony obligations expire, or anything close to it. What’s the point? I know I’m never going to be in another relationship or even try to be in one, as terribly lonely as I feel sometimes — my last relationship ended almost eight years ago, shortly after my transition. (I’m way too fearful of the disclosure issue to try to meet anyone, plus there are certain physical issues arising from the fact that because of all the horrible complications that happened after my surgery, the results didn’t turn out very well.) I haven’t even bought any new clothing for a couple of years now — it seems like such a waste of money, and I’ve always felt guilty about spending money on myself for anything other than books. (Books are sacred!)

    Plus my health is poor, and has been for the last 35 years. I’m on anti-depressants, and I’d be a lot worse without them — when I run out, I start getting severe suicidal ideation within 24 hours, as opposed to the vague thoughts I have normally — but they can’t fix the situation I’m in. It isn’t really fixable. So why bother?

    No responses necessary; I just needed to vent. And nobody should worry, I’m not really in any danger of actually doing anything bad, fantasies of escape notwithstanding!

    1. Donna L
      Donna L November 19, 2013 at 7:40 am |

      Oh, and every time I try to engage in any kind of activism or advocacy work to help other trans people and push back against transphobia, I just end up getting even more depressed. Even after all these years, and as greatly improved as I am in terms of self-acceptance, and as much as I seem to be universally perceived and accepted in my real life as who I am, I still can’t read all — or really any — of the incessantly hateful and cruel stuff that’s out there, seemingly from all directions, without wanting to crawl under a bed and stay there forever. It’s difficult not to take it personally, you know? Especially after having struggled with internalized shame and self-hatred about being trans, for decades beginning in childhood. So it’s really, really bad for me to look at that kind of thing (I’m beginning to think that Twitter is the invention of the devil!), but it’s necessary in order to fight against it. And I just can’t right now.

      1. Ally S
        Ally S November 19, 2013 at 10:34 am |

        Donna, I’m so sorry to hear about all of what you’re going through. I won’t share any advice (because I don’t have any and because you just wanted to vent), but I just want to say that, despite never having met me in person, you have helped me understand and move past my feelings of self-doubt about being trans. I remember when I officially came out as a trans woman and you left this comment on my journal:

        Hey — just so you know, trans people have many, many different kinds of experiences, and paths (and times in life) of becoming aware of their transness. Please don’t foreclose anything (one way or the other) because your experiences and feelings don’t conform to what you’ve read or heard about others. (Back when I grew up, for example, I believed for many years beginning in my adolescence that I couldn’t possibly be transsexual, because at the time, all I had heard was that trans women [not that that term existed at the time] had to be interested exclusively in men, and my primary romantic attractions have always been to women.)

        Ultimately, only you can decide what you are, and what you want. Just be open to wherever your heart and mind take you. It’s all equally good.

        Donna (from Feministe)

        This comment has meant so much to me that, when I was experiencing the worst of my self-doubt, I found comfort in thinking about what you said in that comment. Maybe that’s hard to believe, and I understand why you’d think that since internet comments often have an insignificant impact on people’s lives. But with my own efforts and your words internalized, I was able to break out of that phase of self-doubt.
        i

        1. Ally S
          Ally S November 19, 2013 at 10:38 am |

          (Oops. I wasn’t able to finish my comment)

          Anyway, I’m just bringing that up to say that you’re a wonderful person and I really hope for the best for you. I’m saying that because it’s rare for someone to have this much of an impact on me. I know you live on the east coast (which is super far from San Jose) and it’s unlikely that I’ll ever meet you, but if I ever have the chance to meet you and you’re completely okay with that, I would totally be down with meeting you. I’m just saying.

        2. Donna L
          Donna L November 19, 2013 at 11:25 am |

          Thanks, Ally, I appreciate it. It helps a little to be reminded by others that I’m not a terrible person who deserves everything bad that’s ever happened to me, since I have trouble sometimes convincing myself of that.

        3. Donna L
          Donna L November 19, 2013 at 11:26 am |

          And if you’re ever on the East Coast or I’m ever on the West Coast, I’d be happy to meet you too!

    2. IrishUp
      IrishUp November 19, 2013 at 1:20 pm |

      Donna, I am offering all the virtual support and cyberhugs an internet stranger can offer. FWIW, I’ve always admired your work around the internets, and your genuine kindness and humor. You definitely do NOT deserve this isht. I’m so sorry.

    3. Donna L
      Donna L November 19, 2013 at 1:56 pm |

      Thank you very much, Irish Up. I always admired your comments, too, here and elsewhere.

    4. Donna L
      Donna L November 19, 2013 at 2:02 pm |

      And hey, as long as I’m going for the TMI, I might as well go all in, just to show what a perfect day I’m having: either I have a UTI or I’m just completely dehydrated from not drinking enough water over the last 24 hours, as tends to happen a lot given my lack of a colon (the symptoms feel the same, pretty much), but I’ve had to pee (or felt like it) about 20 times already since this morning, and wow does it hurt. Plus it’s a good thing I always keep extra underwear at the office, because a couple of times I haven’t made it all the way to the bathroom. (I never used to have this problem before GRS — it’s one of the effects of having a shorter urinary tract, not that I mind paying that price!)

    5. TimmyTwinkles
      TimmyTwinkles November 19, 2013 at 2:59 pm |

      Donna, as someone who struggles with clinical depression and is intimately familiar with feelings of self-worthlessness, i identify strongly when you said:

      It helps a little to be reminded by others that I’m not a terrible person who deserves everything bad that’s ever happened to me, since I have trouble sometimes convincing myself of that.

      Just wanted to say that you i have always seen in your comments great warmth, wisdom, and someone that really has a heart for others. And alot of intelligence and insight. Wish i knew how to make those feelings go away instantly (for you and me!!!).
      Mainly i want to say that i whenever ive read a post from you i feel strongly that the person on the other end of the computer is the exact opposite of terrible.

    6. karak
      karak November 19, 2013 at 6:11 pm |

      I don’t want to be random band-aide person, but when my depression over my future and prospects consumed me, I tried to find some reason to get up every day.

      And my family wasn’t good enough, my partner, my theoretical future–I couldn’t do it for other people, I had to do for something that I wanted. And I thought and thought and realized the only thing I really wanted was to see The Dark Knight Rises. I wanted to see a movie (this was summer 2011).

      That was my motivation. I worked so I could have money for tickets. Every moment of my day was structured around this one thing I wanted, because I’d been numb for so long I forgot what it was to want something concrete and attainable.

      I don’t know if this will work for you, but if there’s anything you want to do, want to see, want to make or eat, for yourself, not for your son/family/friends/job, just for you, find it and cling to it.

      As stupid as it sounds, fandom saved me from my depression–it was the first step towards getting out and getting help. It might work for you.

    7. Lolagirl
      Lolagirl November 19, 2013 at 7:36 pm |

      Donna, I’m so sorry to hear your having such a hard time. I don’t have any concrete suggestions to offer, but please know you’re in my thoughts.

      1. macavitykitsune
        macavitykitsune November 21, 2013 at 1:44 am |

        Seconded, entirely. Donna, hugs if you want ‘em.

        1. Willemina
          Willemina November 22, 2013 at 12:51 am |

          ^^ So much of that.

    8. kittehserf
      kittehserf November 21, 2013 at 4:20 am |

      Donna, I am so, so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could help some practical way, but at any rate, from all your comments I’ve seen here, you are a wonderful person and much cared for, and cared about, by many people. Lots of hugs, if they’re welcome from a voice from thousands of miles away. I hope things get better, soonest.

  18. DouglasG
    DouglasG November 19, 2013 at 11:05 am |

    Reading all the song lines has given me a realization that never struck me before. I used to collect lines and then write them out in my good calligraphy to make calendars as presents for people. Particular care went into selecting the quote for the recipient’s birthday. I did this maybe eight times in ten years, with one person being on the receiving end twice. What’s just occurred to me is that one of his calendars had on his birthday a first line (“It’s time to close up your open mind.”) and the second what was essentially a last line (“With his hammer and his popsicle, they put him in the hospital for good.”); it seems almost incredible it took this long to notice that.

  19. Tyris
    Tyris November 21, 2013 at 1:28 am |

    Apparently the Church of England is lifting the ban on women being bishops.

    Only took one and a half thousand years…

  20. trees
    trees November 21, 2013 at 4:01 pm |
    1. Ally S
      Ally S November 21, 2013 at 4:25 pm |

      :( Reading that was heartbreaking.

      1. trees
        trees November 21, 2013 at 4:38 pm |

        Yes, heartbreaking. With so many witnesses, the capture of suspects at the scene, and community outrage, I didn’t expect things to go down like this.

        Is the headline alone just too much? Maybe I should ask the mods to add a trigger warning and remove the headline from the text of the post.

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