This is a guest column by Sex + Cookies 2.0, whose advisers include Feministe contributor Echo Zen and students who’ve been pushing sex-positivity since before Tumblr made it cool. We’re stoked to be Feministe’s first relationship vloggers.
In a possible dystopian future where Obamacare’s birth control mandate is struck down and American women stripped of their right to contraception minus co-pay discrimination, there may come a time when a woman and her sperm-producing partner may need to discuss cost-sharing over birth control. Because despite Republican beliefs about how women should be charged more for healthcare because they have vaginas, it’s our sincere hope as few girls as possible wind up with boyfriends like this…
Sex + Cookies 2.0 | “Boyfriend Pays for Pill?”
Today’s question comes from someone whose boyfriend sounds like a real ****ing charmer.
“Since we’re in a long-term relationship, I decided to ask if he could cover half the cost of my birth control. He said contraception is my business, and besides, he’s never heard of guys paying for women’s contraception. I want to know if I’m being unreasonable.”
What in the ****?
He doesn’t think contraception concerns him? Does he also believe raising children and dealing with pregnancy complications aren’t his business either? Frankly he doesn’t sound serious about protecting your body or health, even when he’s the one ejaculating in you.
Granted there’s a multitude of reasons why men do stupid things. But ultimately, such beliefs stem from stereotyped expectations about women’s proper role in relationships. Married women still do 70 percent of housework, even when both partners have jobs (Bureau of Labor Statistics). So it’s no surprise some men take no fiscal responsibility for keeping their sperm from impregnating their girlfriends.
After all, we live in a society where the Tea Party still believes in blaming rape survivors for allowing men to rape them.
Anyway, we believe asking a long-term boyfriend to defray the cost of contraception is rather reasonable. His excuse about how none of his friends do it has no merit. If all his friends hate LGBT people, does that mean he’s going to stop watching lesbian porn?
But here’s what really makes us question his competence as a long-term partner. A boyfriend who doesn’t consider pregnancy prevention to be his business is not simply a potential prick. He also doesn’t sound like someone who believes in supporting you if he does get you pregnant either.
In the end, someone who refuses to share the cost of contraception might not share the cost of supporting a child either. So, unless he always pays for condoms or does 50 percent of the housework, this guy may be a disaster waiting to happen.
Frankly there’s not a lot to say on the topic of “should boyfriends pay half for contraception”. If your girlfriend takes meds that cut the risk that your sexy time will lead to 18 years of erection-killing childrearing, then the logical – and polite – gesture is to pay your fair share. Most people outside the Tea Party gang of rape supporters should be able to fathom that, and the fact this was a real question depresses us. At least we were around when someone asked.
We have other stuff on our minds we want to prattle about, though – foremost being that each vlog episode is taking forever to make. At this rate, we make one 2.5-minute episode per month. Yes, we do this between exams and jobs, but taking a month to produce 2.5 minutes is a ridiculous ROI. Luckily this vlog is the cheapest project we’ve ever done, compared to condom ninjas. Still, we’re sure there are ways we can do this more quickly and easily, whilst still being effective.
Besides narration, the biggest sucker of time is finding all the stock images to go with the narration. Each image takes 2 hours to find, meaning 2 straight days of eyeballing photo libraries for a good image. Then there’s the sociological nitty-gritty of often realising there are no stock photos of people of colour for a topic, so how do we find alternative images? (Notice everyone and every body part in this episode is white. Inequality at an institutional level, baby.) Next episode we’ll try an idea that’ll hopefully require less time for time-consuming image searches.
Fundamentally though, we still don’t feel we’ve quite found our “voice”, which we think is what’s hobbling us most as we try coming up with a compelling vlog complement to Feministe. With this episode we went with a snarkier tone, but it’s not anything that’ll hold a candle to The Onion or Jezebel. We’re working on establishing a more distinct voice though. Bear with us as we try new things with each episode, so you can let us know what sucks and what to change (or how much you hate our stuff).
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