Author: has written 184 posts for this blog.

tigtog blogs a lot elsewhere, but here on Feministe she mostly does the tech support and feeds the giraffe. tigtog tweets in flurries @vivsmythe.
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67 Responses

  1. Teddy
    Teddy February 28, 2014 at 11:43 pm |

    I spent a full day this week reading the detailed accounts of women’s experiences with sexual assault and harassment at Berkeley while working on this article. I hate humanity now.

  2. Kyosuke
    Kyosuke February 28, 2014 at 11:56 pm |

    Just launched a new LGBT+ section of Jezebel.

    So, y’all know I was hired as a paid contributor to Jezebel a few weeks back, well, now they’ve given my own subpage called ROYGBIV which covers LGBT+ news, commentary, and discussion. It’s a probationary gig, but I hope I can manage the kind of numbers I need to make it a more permanent thing.

    It can be reached here.

    1. Donna L
      Donna L March 1, 2014 at 12:21 am |

      Congratulations! I very much look forward to reading it.

    2. Computer Soldier Porygon
      Computer Soldier Porygon March 1, 2014 at 2:22 pm |

      Congratulations! also cute name

  3. Ally S
    Ally S March 1, 2014 at 12:51 am |

    Yesterday, I tried to go to a trans support group at the local LGBT center in Boulder (Out Boulder, in case anyone is wondering), but it was canceled again. It has been rescheduled for next Thursday. My main reason for wanting to go to a trans support group is that, in other support groups I’ve been to, trans people have actually told me about former trans-friendly therapists that not only are genuinely helpful but also don’t charge very much for therapy sessions.

    If any trans person here (especially any trans woman) knows a nice, helpful trans-friendly therapist who is located in the Denver Metro Area or Boulder, CO, I would appreciate hearing about that therapist. I can try looking myself but I would feel much more comfortable seeing a therapist that I know has genuinely helped out other trans people.

    1. Donna L
      Donna L March 1, 2014 at 1:09 am |

      Ally, is it OK if I ask for you on mhb? Somebody there might know of someone.

      1. Ally S
        Ally S March 1, 2014 at 1:16 am |

        Sure, go ahead. Thanks in advance.

        1. Donna L
          Donna L March 1, 2014 at 11:07 am |

          OK, I posted a request, and will let you know if I hear anything.

      2. Donna L
        Donna L March 2, 2014 at 11:55 am |
        1. Ally S
          Ally S March 2, 2014 at 6:10 pm |

          Thank you so much! I’ve already found an ideal therapist and she’s in downtown Boulder. As soon as I sober up, I’ll contact her and set up an appointment.

  4. Ally S
    Ally S March 1, 2014 at 1:47 am |

    This just in from my dad: “So far I have not found any Islamic evidence that your lifestyle [me being transgender] is allowed.” He also is angry at my sister because she frequently lies about where she is at night. She lies because his reactions are always emotionally abusive, but of course she’s not the victim. My dad has made it clear that he is entitled to any phone conversation no matter what at any time. And when my dad confronts her about her illicit activity (read: being a 24-year-old adult who is going out with friends at night and staying with her boyfriend), she will be in deep trouble with him.

    More proof that life is terrible. As expected.

    1. pheenobarbidoll
      pheenobarbidoll March 1, 2014 at 2:16 am |

      I think my response to that would be ” good thing I’m not asking for permission”. Forgive me for saying this, but your father is a controlling ass. You can’t change that or stop him. You can, however, deprive him of the opportunity by ending contact. He can either have a relationship with you on your terms, or he can sit and stew all alone. If he chooses to continue non support, then he’s chosen the consequence of life sans you in it. DNA does not obligate you to tolerate his shit.

      1. Ally S
        Ally S March 1, 2014 at 3:49 am |

        No offense taken – he has been a controlling ass ever since I’ve known him and so you’re really just describing who he is. I’m 19, my older brother is 26, and my older sister is 24 going on 25, yet my dad still has the three of us at his mercy because of his emotional abuse and stalker tendencies (and in my case, physical abuse).

        Right now I’m trying to figure out how I can just get away from him for a while. I don’t want to estrange myself from him forever because on some level I still care about him and want a good relationship with him. But I need to just be away from him and stop talking to him for a while. I desperately need to regain my space and sense of safety.

        1. Angie unduplicated
          Angie unduplicated March 1, 2014 at 8:21 am |

          Anna K’s “good music” comment brings on a grin. Passing this one to you, Ally: Country music now has a song, “Were You Born An Asshole”. Whether you like country or not, it will bring a smile to your face, and might be an appropriate message to your dad. And, yes, a tenant played it at me after I told him that bringing in a dog would get him evicted.
          Frankly, your dad scares hell out of me. I do not want you, or your sister, to be the subject of an honor killing.

        2. Ally S
          Ally S March 1, 2014 at 9:46 am |

          My dad isn’t the kind of person who would actually murder us in the name of honor. He is a terrible person, but he’s not terrible enough to do something like that.

        3. pheenobarbidoll
          pheenobarbidoll March 1, 2014 at 10:51 am |

          Do you want help with ideas on how to get away from his verbal abuse or do you only want support as you figure out how you’re going to approach it?

        4. Ally S
          Ally S March 1, 2014 at 10:57 am |

          I suppose the latter. At this point the only reasonable solution seems to be to live on my own for a while (probably in Seattle), but I have to figure out where to live, where to work, how much coding stuff I need to learn (my main skill is coding), who is there to support me with various things, etc. I just feel so lost right now.

        5. EG
          EG March 1, 2014 at 11:57 am |

          I want to strongly re-recommend the Walking on Eggshells book I mentioned before. I mentioned it kind of late in the thread, so I don’t know if you caught the rec or not. I think it could help.

    2. pheenobarbidoll
      pheenobarbidoll March 1, 2014 at 11:50 am |

      Ally, you’re 19. You’re not lost, you’re simply at the beginning. Beginnings are always a little scary,but they can also be exciting. And rewarding. Hold that in your heart as you carve out your own piece of the world. You’re strong, you’re intelligent and resilient. Right now, your father can be put on the back burner until you have your feet firmly under you. Give yourself permission to be selfish for awhile. God knows you’ve earned it. I have a 20 year old daughter, so trust when I say any sane parent would be proud to have you for a daughter. I hope no one minds me speaking for them when I say we are on your side, we know you will succeed and are all rooting for you. Find your support system, and then fly.

      1. Donna L
        Donna L March 1, 2014 at 12:02 pm |

        Ally, as someone who has a 23-year old son, I want to echo everything Pheeno said. We are all on your side, and are here to give you whatever support we can.

  5. anna_k
    anna_k March 1, 2014 at 4:15 am |

    it is past 1 a.m. and I am awake working. This will almost certainly also be the case in 24 hours’ time.

    Hope others are having more exciting or restful weekends. At least I’ve got good music on, I suppose :)

    1. macavitykitsune
      macavitykitsune March 3, 2014 at 10:00 am |

      Anna, hope the weekend went ok!

  6. AMM
    AMM March 2, 2014 at 9:03 am |

    [Trigger warning for linked article, and maybe even its title]

    Just in case anyone hasn’t seen enough evidence of the ultimate depravity of man (a term from high school English class that just surfaced in my brain, 45 years later), there’s a post over at bellejar.ca: Rape Culture at the University of Ottawa.

    Oh, yeah, don’t read the comments thread unless you’re really a masochist — it’s an illustration of Lewis’s Law.

    1. macavitykitsune
      macavitykitsune March 3, 2014 at 12:55 am |

      Oh god. Why did I read the comments? I’m an ass, clearly.

      That was a fantastic takedown, though.

  7. Jennifer
    Jennifer March 2, 2014 at 5:25 pm |

    Hello everyone,

    I’ve been lurking around here for about a week and thought it was time to stick my head over the parapet.

    I’m learning a lot with every blog and comment I read. When I have something valid to add and am able to articulate it, I’ll add my penny’s worth.

    Until then, thanks to all for your stories and eloquence.

    1. EG
      EG March 3, 2014 at 12:08 am |

      Welcome to commenting, Jennifer.

      1. Jennifer
        Jennifer March 3, 2014 at 6:44 am |

        Thank you EG and Congratulations!

  8. EG
    EG March 2, 2014 at 5:39 pm |

    So, I got some really awesome news during the past week. I’ve been going back and forth about writing about it here, because I can’t really do it without revealing my name. But I think it’s no big deal. I’ve certainly given enough personal info over the years that anybody interested in could have found it ages ago, and I’m gonna continue to post under EG, so what the hell?

    Because it’s really awesome, unexpected news.

    A novella I wrote is a finalist for the Nebula award! Which is a big deal! I’m really really excited and I was taken completely by surprise! I’m going to go the San Jose banquet–I doubt I’ll win, but who knows if I’ll ever get nominated again? I want to make the most of it!

    But please keep calling me EG on here, OK? I kind of feel like that’s my name here.

    1. macavitykitsune
      macavitykitsune March 2, 2014 at 5:57 pm |

      SQUEE! I am so glad for you!

      1. EG
        EG March 2, 2014 at 6:03 pm |

        Thank you! I’m pretty much in a state of EEEEEE myself!

        1. EG
          EG March 2, 2014 at 9:04 pm |

          Thanks, tigtog! It’s all so exciting!

        2. EG
          EG March 3, 2014 at 12:10 am |

          And tigtog, it would’ve been totally OK to email me! Any time!

    2. pheenobarbidoll
      pheenobarbidoll March 2, 2014 at 7:19 pm |

      Awesome possum

      1. EG
        EG March 2, 2014 at 7:43 pm |

        Thanks!

    3. trees
      trees March 2, 2014 at 8:36 pm |

      Hot damn!!!!! Congratulations!!!!

      1. EG
        EG March 2, 2014 at 9:06 pm |

        Thanks!

    4. Librarygoose
      Librarygoose March 2, 2014 at 8:49 pm |

      That’s great!!

      1. EG
        EG March 2, 2014 at 9:07 pm |

        Thank you!

    5. Donna L
      Donna L March 2, 2014 at 8:58 pm |

      Congratulations! You are so talented, and I am so happy for you. This is definitely an occasion for shameless self-promotion!

      Burning Girls is a wonderful story. You certainly don’t have to be Jewish to like it! In my completely unbiased opinion, it very much deserves to win. So if there are any eligible voters here, please vote for it, early and often!

      EG’s short story Phosphorus, in the anthology Queen Victoria’s Book of Spells that was also published this year, is every bit as wonderful. It’s about the Irish match girls’ strike in London in the 1880′s.

      And she has another great story coming out in April at Tor.com, called Among the Thorns — a kind of a sequel to a rather notorious Grimm’s fairy tale.

      1. EG
        EG March 2, 2014 at 9:08 pm |

        Aw, now I’m kind of blushing! Thank you, Donna.

    6. Ally S
      Ally S March 2, 2014 at 9:13 pm |

      Congrats! ^_^ Also, while I will respect your wish to be called EG, I think your name is pretty cool.

      1. EG
        EG March 3, 2014 at 12:07 am |

        Thanks!

        I love my name–I just feel like here, I’m EG. You ever find yourself in NYC and want to meet up for coffee or something, by all means, call me by real name!

    7. Matthew
      Matthew March 3, 2014 at 2:22 pm |

      Congrats EG! Looking forward to reading your story – love SF.

      1. EG
        EG March 3, 2014 at 2:24 pm |

        Thanks! I hope you enjoy it.

  9. macavitykitsune
    macavitykitsune March 2, 2014 at 7:33 pm |

    Woo! My paper proposals for two conferences have been accepted! One’s in my own college (an individual paper and a collaborative with Val) and one’s in a nearby university hosting an undergrad history conference in a few months ♥

    1. EG
      EG March 2, 2014 at 7:42 pm |

      Congratulations! What will you be speaking about?

      1. macavitykitsune
        macavitykitsune March 3, 2014 at 12:50 am |

        The three papers I’ve had approved are on
        a) English teaching in Canadian residential schools and indigenous resistance to cultural assimilation
        b) Biraciality and racial trauma in Minekura Kazuya’s Saiyuki universe (this is the one Val’s in on) and
        c) Narratives of imperialistic apocalypse in Mary Shelley’s The Last Man.

        Thank you for the wishes!

        @pheeno and Ally – thank you too! (I’d do it separately but I don’t want to clog up the feed. ^__^) I’m really quite excited about presenting these; I worked my butt off on these projects.

    2. pheenobarbidoll
      pheenobarbidoll March 2, 2014 at 8:54 pm |

      Woot!

    3. Ally S
      Ally S March 2, 2014 at 11:17 pm |

      Omg that’s awesome, mac! ^_^

  10. EG
    EG March 2, 2014 at 7:40 pm |

    Apropos of the Oscars, check out the great stuff being posted at #NotYourTonto.

    1. pheenobarbidoll
      pheenobarbidoll March 2, 2014 at 8:52 pm |

      I have so much hate for that movie. So much. I don’t watch the Oscars, so I had no idea it was up for anything. Teach me to scroll past anything that mentions the Oscars. Thanks for posting this.

    2. Ally S
      Ally S March 2, 2014 at 9:30 pm |

      I cringed so much while watching Lone Ranger. Yeah, it’s totally not racist as hell to make an NDN character talk without any definite or indefinite articles and give him the “savage” stereotype. Sigh…

      1. trees
        trees March 2, 2014 at 9:40 pm |

        What the fuck is up with that dead bird on his head? The film is fail.

        1. Ally S
          Ally S March 2, 2014 at 11:15 pm |

          I know, right? Another thing that stuck out to me (in a very, very negative way) was that the movie actually attacked NDN customs by mocking Tonto’s notion of “trade.” Whenever Tonto wished to initiate a trade, it was portrayed as something arbitrary and irrational.

        2. macavitykitsune
          macavitykitsune March 3, 2014 at 12:53 am |

          Another thing that stuck out to me (in a very, very negative way) was that the movie actually attacked NDN customs by mocking Tonto’s notion of “trade.” Whenever Tonto wished to initiate a trade, it was portrayed as something arbitrary and irrational.

          Especially funny-not-funny considering indigenous Americans had, on the whole, less unhealthy perspectives around trade and property than most eastern-hemisphere cultures I know well. (Of course, it didn’t do them any good when trading with a bunch of unscrupulous fucknozzles, but they could hardly have seen that coming.)

          *obligatory Complaining About Shows I Didn’t Watch disclaimer, though I did read several critiques of it*

      2. pheenobarbidoll
        pheenobarbidoll March 3, 2014 at 12:30 am |

        Every single aspect of that character and its portrayal is a racist stereotype. The magical Indian, the redface ( which is as offensive as blackface, but no one but NDNS care) the speech, everything.

    3. Chataya
      Chataya March 2, 2014 at 10:57 pm |

      In happier oscar news, Lupita Nyong’o won for best supporting actress!

      1. Donna L
        Donna L March 3, 2014 at 12:37 am |

        And 12 Years a Slave won Best Picture.

    4. bingo
      bingo March 4, 2014 at 11:51 pm |

      I’m honestly wondering whether Depp is going to do a blackface role before or after he plays Yunioshi in the inevitable Breakfast at Tiffany’s remake.

  11. Ally S
    Ally S March 3, 2014 at 1:35 am |

    I’ve found a therapist with Donna’s help (upthread)! I’ll be scheduling an appointment with the therapist very soon. ^_^

    [Content note: rape]

    Also, today I came downstairs to see my mom and my step-dad watching a TV show, and this particular episode had a scene in which a few people were being held captive by some criminals. One of the captives was a woman of color, and this man expressed his intent to rape her with a very threatening, sadistic tone. Someone tried defending her and was quickly knocked unconscious by another man, and the woman was taken to another room while screaming.

    Even though I know it was fiction and contained nothing graphic or explicit, thinking about that one scene is still really frightening and makes my stomach churn as if I was experiencing the onset of an anxiety attack. It’s so bad that I can no longer watch that show again – even the episodes in which there is absolutely no shown or implied. Maybe there’s nothing strange about the way I react to distressing things and I’m just being overly anxious, but my mom is way more sensitive than me and even she is able to keep watching the show. I don’t know what’s with me. X_X

    1. macavitykitsune
      macavitykitsune March 3, 2014 at 1:51 am |

      Anxiety disorders don’t work in nice orderly fashions, though. I know I have anxiety triggers that are 100% not rooted in anything traumatic – unless you think that a frog jumping onto my leg once is traumatic – but unexpectedly seeing a frog can still freak me out really badly. Also, when I’m in high-stress situations I get triggered by shit that doesn’tbother me even a little bit when I’m calm. Considering your circumstances I think it’s really quite reasonable for you to not want to watch that show, at the very least until you’re in a much better headspace. (And frankly, no one NEEDS to watch any TV show they don’t want to, ever.)

      1. Ally S
        Ally S March 3, 2014 at 2:06 am |

        I guess that makes sense. The past few days have been extremely stressful for me. My dad has basically made it clear that he will never stop calling me and my older siblings all the time because he feels he is entitled to have a phone conversation with us whenever he wants.

        And then today my step-dad told me that I have to help him increase the equity for his farm (by doing some landscaping work) and/or get a job or else I have to leave his house. He’s going through a lot of financial troubles so I understand why he’s being like this. But it’s very stressful for me for obvious reasons. I really hope I can get another coding job soon in which I can work remotely because I don’t want to work in a formal work environment again at this time.

        A bit of a tangent, but yeah that’s what’s been happening and I think your explanation makes sense.

        1. EG
          EG March 3, 2014 at 9:44 am |

          I react like that to rape scenes in movies or on TV, and my reactions have gotten stronger and more easily set off the older I’ve gotten. So I don’t think there’s necessarily anything strange about it, and I agree with mac that given your situation, it makes perfect sense that you’re on a hair-trigger.

          Your father will never change his abusive ways as long as he’s getting the attention and control he wants by using them. He’s not going to change the dynamic because it benefits him. When you feel ready, Ally, you’re the one who’s going to able and willing to change it, and then there are a few options for you to choose from. If you’re not at that point yet, just remember that no decision you make now has to be final. You can decide that you’re not up to it right now, and then in six months decide it’s time to change how you handle your father’s calls–not picking up at all, changing your number, picking up only once a week. You’ve got options, and one of them is to wait and decide later. Nothing is forever, particularly at this stage of your life.

          I’m sorry to hear that your stepfather isn’t able to give you the unconditional support and haven you need. Seattle is looking better and better.

  12. dawnofthenerds
    dawnofthenerds March 4, 2014 at 3:12 pm |

    (Content note: rape)

    So, I’m looking for a book or article that talks about the myth of false rape reports. Not just in order to debunk it, I’ve found lots on that. But about why that myth exists at all. If anyone can think of anything off the top of their heads, I would greatly appreciate it.

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