Quick hit: Trump vows to bring us cleaned coal

Grainy, black-and-white historical photo of a man leaning over a galvanized bathtub as a child looks on

“See? That’s how you work a lump of anthracite to a nice luster.”

During the campaign and since, Donald Trump has been talking about clean coal — reducing carbon emissions from burning coal — as related to his claims that he’ll bring back the coal industry. Or so we thought.

It turns out he’s been talking about cleaning coal, as evidenced by his claim during his rally in Phoenix Tuesday night.*

We’ve ended the war on beautiful, clean coal. And it’s just been announced that a second brand-new coal mine where they’re going to take out clean coal — meaning they’re taking out coal, they’re going to clean it — is opening in the state of Pennsylvania.

We finally know how he’s going to follow through on his promise to bring back coal jobs: They’ll all be coal polishers. “Unacceptable, Anderson! You’re going to start over, and you’re not going to stop until I can see my face in that graphite!”

Coal so clean you can eat off of it: That’s how he’s going to make America great again.

*And we won’t even mention Trump flying across the country to get a tongue bath while the Secret Service can’t afford to pay its agents because of his constant quote-unquote “working vacations.”

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1 comment for “Quick hit: Trump vows to bring us cleaned coal

  1. Angie unduplicated
    August 25, 2017 at 7:29 am

    Old Southern saying used by all colors: “You can’t polish a turd.”
    But oh, how the GOP tries…

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