I definitely want to pet your dog.
But I still think Farhad Manjoo is correct here when he says that many dog owners are a little too lenient with their pets. Not everyone likes dogs; a lot of people (me included, actually) are allergic to dogs. A lot of people are scared of dogs — yes, even your cute one.
...read moreShould you speak out at a wedding of a friend marrying an abusive man?
That’s Cary Tennis’s advice to a woman who witnesses her friend being subjected to a variety of abusive behaviors from her fiance. He beats up her dog. He monitors her phone. He violates her physical boundaries. I like Cary’s explanation — that silence is enabling — but I wonder if what amounts to a public humiliation will only marginalize the friend more.
The letter-writer should absolutely take that dog to the vet, though, permission or not.
...read more
It takes more than a village — it takes good childcare
I was lucky enough to grow up with two families. My little brother and I were picked up by one school bus in the mornings around the corner from my house, where we lived with our mom and dad. Another bus dropped me off in the afternoons down the street from M&M Family Child Care Home.
...read moreWhat if everything you knew about adoption was wrong?
Writing about adoption and Kathryn Joyce’s The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption
Okay, lay off Beyonce, already.
So we know that Beyonce’s numerous sins include dressing sexy, being married, and saying that girls run the world when that isn’t technically true. But did you also know she’s singlehandedly responsible for luring young girls into sexual exploitation?
...read moreThe Gospel of Adoption
Journalist Kathryn Joyce has a new book out called The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption
Vote for Huma
This weekend’s New York Times Magazine features Anthony Weiner and Huma Abedin, and details how they’re rebuilding their marriage and Weiner’s political career in the wake of his boner-photo tweet scandal. I wrote about it in my Guardian column this week, and more broadly the script that politicians follow when caught cheating: Lie, then admit, then apologize with wife in tow, then stage a come-back. And sure, sometimes (often) we should forgive them because their stupid personal flaws don’t impact their ability to govern. But also, I’d like to see political wives have more options. People stay in marriages for all sorts of reasons, and staying in the relationship after an affair isn’t necessarily a bad or wrong choice; none of us are inside these marriages, so we have no idea. But it would be nice if there were more acceptable public models:
...read moreYou know what? Go for it. Do it! Compliment women!
So last week, President Obama delivered an inappropriate compliment to California Attorney General Kamala Harris — inappropriate not because it was insulting or prurient but because, well, it concerned her appearance, and they were at a political event, and that’s not the place you talk about a woman’s appearance. He said:
She’s brilliant and she’s dedicated, she’s tough. She also happens to be, by far, the best-looking attorney general. … It’s true! C’mon.
he apologized for it.
But some people don’t like to hear important men apologize for stuff. At Jezebel, Lindy West responds to Washington Times columnist Jack Engelhard, who is pissed that Obama apologized because just for a moment, just for one shining moment, it seemed okay for Engelhard to do any damn thing he wanted without taking any time out to consider the feelings of women. Luckily, West provides for us a handy list of times when it’s appropriate to compliment a woman so you don’t have to go to jail over it.
...read moreGood advice from smart people
Do you read Ask Polly? I love Ask Polly. She and Captain Awkward are my favorite advice-givers in all of internet land. And she has some particularly good advice this week, for both a woman who’s boyfriend isn’t treating her right, and another who is afraid to end a dysfunctional relationship with a heroin addict. They’re both scared of being alone. Polly says, in a way that feels especially right to me at this particular moment in my life (which is how we always read advice columns, isn’t it?):
...read moreJada & Will Don’t Have an Open Marriage; Does It Matter?
Here’s an interesting development: Jada Pinkett Smith recently addressed the open relationship rumors that have surrounded her marriage with Will Smith for years. During Jada’s HuffPost Live interview with Marc Lamont Hill, he asked if they have an open relationship and she said…
...read moreJohn Lewis on Marriage
In 1996, Rep. John Lewis (D-Ga.) argued passionately against the Defense of Marriage Act. This is what it sounded like.
...read more
Purity Culture and Sexual Assault
Caperton covered the Elizabeth Smart speech about abstinence already, and my Guardian column this week is on a similar topic: How an emphasis on purity is bad for women, bad for men and bad for rape survivors:
...read more