Tag Archives: BDSM

Fifty Shades of Whatever, I Don’t Even Care Anymore, Life Is Meaningless: Grey

In a bid to wring every last cent out of the “Fifty Shades” phenomenon, author E.L. James has released Grey, the story of Fifty Shades of Grey as told from Christian Grey’s perspective. Some readers, both fans of the series and critics, were curious about Christian’s thought process during the original books, since the story we see from Ana’s point of view was so deeply creepy that dear God, there had to be something, something, something redeeming in the backstory to make it more of an edgy, kinky romance and less of an episode of Law & Order: SVU with a private helicopter. Continue reading

Posted in Domestic Violence, Literature | Tagged , | 6 Comments

Just a few reminders before you buy those “50 Shades” Valentines

[Trigger warning for sexual violence and emotional abuse]

Valentine’s Day is coming up! That day of romance, of togetherness, of coupledom, of… domestic abuse… Valentine’s Day is the release date of 50 Shades of Grey, that sensationalistic movie based on the “How to Spot an Abuser” pamphlet in your college guidance counselor’s office. Women and men who have read the book and know perfectly well what the story is about will flock to theatres, either a) dreaming of the day that they’ll be stalked and violated by someone as dreamy as Christian, or b) hoping to score on Valentine’s night with the person they took to the movie. And while people are free to get their rocks off to whatever they want (within certain limits), it’s important to acknowledge that what may (for some reason) come across as sultry and sexy on the page would, in real life, be a Razorbacks halftime show’s worth of red flags. Continue reading

Posted in Domestic Violence, Holidays & Celebrations, Literature, Movies, Rape Culture, Sexual Assault | Tagged , , | 94 Comments

BDSM’s Rape Problem And How To Fix It: Summary Of “There’s A War On” Series

In a podcast after Not What We Do , I declared that I’m not going to do BDSM community PR. We have problems. We have at least as much of a rape culture within as the mainstream, and I’m not going to shut up about it. This post summarizes what I said at the Yes Means Yes Blog, in a seven part series that ran 21,000 words. The original, full posts are at these links: Continue reading

Posted in Crime, Feminism, Rape Culture, Sex, Sexual Assault | Tagged , , , , | 61 Comments

“Confessions of a PUA Chaser” is OUT now! Also: Thank you, Feministe.

Love.
S&M.
Ethics.
Seduction.
Feminism.
Polyamory.
Pickup artists. Continue reading

Posted in Blogging, Dating, Entertainment, Feminism, Popular Culture, Rape Culture, Recommended, relationships, Sex | Tagged , , , , , | 19 Comments

BDSM versus Sex, part 2: How Does It Feel?

Every once in a while, someone will ask me a question about something BDSM-related that I feel “done with”; I feel like I did all my thinking about those topics, years ago. But it’s still useful to get those questions … Continue reading

Posted in relationships, Sex | Tagged , , , | 20 Comments

Thinking More Clearly About BDSM versus Abuse

Years ago, when I first started thinking about BDSM and abuse, I — like a lot of feminist BDSMers — was defensive. We get scared of the accusation that “BDSM is always abuse” … and we’re accustomed to accusations from … Continue reading

Posted in Dating, Domestic Violence, relationships, Sex | Tagged , , , , | 17 Comments

“Violent sex” writer compromises safety of rape survivor

Recently, the reporter Mac McClelland wrote a piece called “How Violent Sex Helped Ease My PTSD“. Feministe had a discussion thread about the article about ten days ago. My own reactions to the article have been too complicated to outline … Continue reading

Posted in Sex, Sexual Assault | Tagged , , | 86 Comments

I Can Never Tell

This guest post is by Thomas MacAulay Millar, feminist, kinkster, litigator and essayist. He blogs regularly at The Yes Means Yes Blog and is a frequent contributor to Feministe. I don’t buy porn from any of the big companies that … Continue reading

Posted in Sex | Tagged , , , | 87 Comments

The Alt-Sex Anti-Abuse Dream Team

This is a post by pro-BDSM activist Clarisse Thorn, who blogs at Pro-Sex Outreach, Open-Minded Feminism. BDSMers face a lot of stigma around our sexuality, and this can be a major problem when BDSMers are trying to deal with abusive … Continue reading

Posted in Feminism, Sex, Sexual Assault | Tagged , , , , , | 50 Comments

Not What We Do

This is a guest post by Thomas MacAulay Millar. Thomas regularly blogs at Yes Means Yes. In fantasyland, the BDSM community is clearly defined, composed exclusively of ethical people who basically agree on our values, who have polite if lively … Continue reading

Posted in Crime, Domestic Violence | Tagged , | 68 Comments