Tag: relationships

Revenge Porn and Misogyny

I’m over at the Guardian writing about “revenge porn,” and how it’s part of a trajectory of gendered harassment that women face online.

There aren’t popular revenge porn sites with pictures of naked men, because as a society we don’t think it’s inherently degrading or humiliating for men to have sex. Despite the fact that large numbers of women watch porn, there are apparently not large numbers of women who find sexual gratification in publicly shaming and demeaning men they’ve slept with.

And that is, fundamentally, what these revenge porn sites are about. They aren’t about naked girls; there are plenty of those who are on the internet consensually. It’s about hating women, taking enjoyment in seeing them violated, and harming them.

The owners to Texxxan.com practically said as much when, in defending their website, they posted a message saying, “Maybe [sic] the site provided an outlet for anger that prevented physical violence (this statement will be very controversial but is at least worth thinking about).” In other words, these are men who hate women to the degree that they’d be hitting them if they didn’t have revenge porn as an outlet for their rage. They’re angry because women have the nerve to exist in the universe as sexual beings.

The whole thing is here.

On Friendship

The raw thrill of both “How Should a Person Be?” and “Girls” (and let me acknowledge here that I am hardly the first person to compare the two) is in the way they treat heterosexual coupling as secondary, and how…

Daddy’s Little Girl


While my daughter was away, she—my beautiful, hilarious, little girl—started growing up. I don’t want her to bemoan the inevitable; she will grow up. She IS growing up. I want to be in complete control of the kind of woman she turns out to be: strong, smart, powerful, unstoppable, and feminist. I want that affirmation, and my routines, to be enough armor against the effects of a mostly-absent father.

But I can’t really—really really—control the woman she is becoming, regardless of which coast she’s on. So what’s a mother to do?

My dealbreaker: Obnoxious, pseudointellectual elitists

We all have relationship dealbreakers. Maybe you disagree on issues of politics or religion. Maybe he’s a vegetarian and you miss eating meet. Maybe she’s into Marvel comics and you’re hard-core DC. Maybe he’s left-handed and your elbows bump into each other at the dinner table. Maybe, as with Melissa Jeltsen’s failed relationship with “an androgynous punk rocker named Duke,” he just wasn’t intellectual enough for you–or as she put it, he didn’t go to college.

The Hunger Games is not a love triangle (and why that matters)

(And then I promise I’ll let the whole thing go [probably (probably not)].)

A lot of reports accompanying the release of The Hunger Games (movie) have made reference to a “love triangle” between Katniss, Gale, and Peeta. And I get what they’re trying to do there: The top-grossing YA movies of late have involved at least some kind of three-sided romantic entanglement. But The Hunger Games isn’t a love triangle–not by the traditional definition, at least. And identifying the book as such and pushing the movie to serve as such does both the book and the fans a disservice, and that makes me sad.

Note: This post is bustin’ with SPOILERS for the book, although not so much for the movie (except to the extent that it’s, y’know, based on the book).

Hip Hop Is For Lovers

A heart splashed on a white background with the words "Hip Hop Is For Lovers."

This is a guest post by Lauren Bruce, former Feministe blogger and music superfan.

Hip Hop is For Lovers is a multimedia web experience dedicated to looking at love, sex and intimacy through the lens of hip hop culture. Its centerpiece is a weekly woman-centered, queer-friendly and justice-heavy podcast that features discussions about a variety of relationship topics punctuated with the best in rap. After months as a listener, I had the privilege of talking with podcast co-hosts Uche and Lenée about the making of the show, the tentative relationship between hip hop culture and mainstream feminism, and what we should be listening to next. After the interview, tune in live on Wednesday nights from 8-10 EST to hear Uche and Lenée in action.