Tag Archives: relationships

Jada & Will Don’t Have an Open Marriage; Does It Matter?

Here’s an interesting development: Jada Pinkett Smith recently addressed the open relationship rumors that have surrounded her marriage with Will Smith for years. During Jada’s HuffPost Live interview with Marc Lamont Hill, he asked if they have an open relationship and she said… Continue reading

Posted in Celebrity, Marriage | Tagged , , | 13 Comments

Revenge Porn and Misogyny

I’m over at the Guardian writing about “revenge porn,” and how it’s part of a trajectory of gendered harassment that women face online.

There aren’t popular revenge porn sites with pictures of naked men, because as a society we don’t think it’s inherently degrading or humiliating for men to have sex. Despite the fact that large numbers of women watch porn, there are apparently not large numbers of women who find sexual gratification in publicly shaming and demeaning men they’ve slept with.

And that is, fundamentally, what these revenge porn sites are about. They aren’t about naked girls; there are plenty of those who are on the internet consensually. It’s about hating women, taking enjoyment in seeing them violated, and harming them.

The owners to Texxxan.com practically said as much when, in defending their website, they posted a message saying, “Maybe [sic] the site provided an outlet for anger that prevented physical violence (this statement will be very controversial but is at least worth thinking about).” In other words, these are men who hate women to the degree that they’d be hitting them if they didn’t have revenge porn as an outlet for their rage. They’re angry because women have the nerve to exist in the universe as sexual beings.

The whole thing is here. Continue reading

Posted in Gender, Law, Rape Culture, Sex | Tagged , , | 131 Comments

Fangirls, mean girls – and that grand pastime of calling each other “ugly sluts”

“Everyone knows that bitch got knocked up by someone else and TRICKED him into marriage! Ugly slut! I hope they divorce!” It sounds like a comment you would find on a Daily Mail article about some celebrity drama. But the … Continue reading

Posted in Celebrity, Marriage, relationships | Tagged , , , | 135 Comments

The Moral Case for Sex Before Marriage

I’m in the Guardian today writing about how sex before marriage is, for almost everyone, the best choice. Continue reading

Posted in relationships, Sex | Tagged , , | 43 Comments

On Friendship

The raw thrill of both “How Should a Person Be?” and “Girls” (and let me acknowledge here that I am hardly the first person to compare the two) is in the way they treat heterosexual coupling as secondary, and how … Continue reading

Posted in relationships | Tagged , | 28 Comments

The Problem With Purity

Better feminists than I have written entire books on this topic (see The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women), but damn if this Hairpin interview with a lapsed Christian virgin doesn’t illustrate just how messed up “purity” messages can make young women. Continue reading

Posted in Gender, relationships, Religion, Sex | Tagged , , , , , | 28 Comments

Daddy’s Little Girl

While my daughter was away, she—my beautiful, hilarious, little girl—started growing up. I don’t want her to bemoan the inevitable; she will grow up. She IS growing up. I want to be in complete control of the kind of woman she turns out to be: strong, smart, powerful, unstoppable, and feminist. I want that affirmation, and my routines, to be enough armor against the effects of a mostly-absent father.

But I can’t really—really really—control the woman she is becoming, regardless of which coast she’s on. So what’s a mother to do? Continue reading

Posted in relationships | Tagged , , , | 139 Comments

Support Frank Talk about Sex and Intimacy by Supporting Hip Hop is For Lovers

“HH4L is something I believe in. We have the potential — and are building the momentum to — impact the culture at large. Not just Hip Hop culture. I’ve seen myself transformed through this work. I know and believe to my core that we can reach folks with what we do.” Continue reading

Posted in Blogging, GLBTQ, Music, Sex | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Meet Your Local Extreme Breastfeeder

The other day one of my seven year old daughter’s guinea pigs died and it is the first death my two kids have dealt with up close and they love their guinea pigs, and I do, too, and so it … Continue reading

Posted in Animals, Body image, Domesticity, Feminism, relationships, Sex | Tagged , , , , , | 81 Comments

My dealbreaker: Obnoxious, pseudointellectual elitists

We all have relationship dealbreakers. Maybe you disagree on issues of politics or religion. Maybe he’s a vegetarian and you miss eating meet. Maybe she’s into Marvel comics and you’re hard-core DC. Maybe he’s left-handed and your elbows bump into each other at the dinner table. Maybe, as with Melissa Jeltsen’s failed relationship with “an androgynous punk rocker named Duke,” he just wasn’t intellectual enough for you–or as she put it, he didn’t go to college. Continue reading

Posted in relationships | Tagged | 266 Comments

The Hunger Games is not a love triangle (and why that matters)

(And then I promise I’ll let the whole thing go [probably (probably not)].)

A lot of reports accompanying the release of The Hunger Games (movie) have made reference to a “love triangle” between Katniss, Gale, and Peeta. And I get what they’re trying to do there: The top-grossing YA movies of late have involved at least some kind of three-sided romantic entanglement. But The Hunger Games isn’t a love triangle–not by the traditional definition, at least. And identifying the book as such and pushing the movie to serve as such does both the book and the fans a disservice, and that makes me sad.

Note: This post is bustin’ with SPOILERS for the book, although not so much for the movie (except to the extent that it’s, y’know, based on the book). Continue reading

Posted in Literature, Movies, relationships | Tagged , | 64 Comments

Hip Hop Is For Lovers

This is a guest post by Lauren Bruce, former Feministe blogger and music superfan.

Hip Hop is For Lovers is a multimedia web experience dedicated to looking at love, sex and intimacy through the lens of hip hop culture. Its centerpiece is a weekly woman-centered, queer-friendly and justice-heavy podcast that features discussions about a variety of relationship topics punctuated with the best in rap. After months as a listener, I had the privilege of talking with podcast co-hosts Uche and Lenée about the making of the show, the tentative relationship between hip hop culture and mainstream feminism, and what we should be listening to next. After the interview, tune in live on Wednesday nights from 8-10 EST to hear Uche and Lenée in action. Continue reading

Posted in Music, relationships, Sex | Tagged , , , , , | 10 Comments