Thanksgiving Haiku

Courtesy of The Other Dark Meat:

White man invades us,
Steals our land and livelihood!
Enjoy pie, asswipes.

Oh, lovely day.

Posted in Holidays & Celebrations | Tagged , | 24 Comments

Unfortunate Presidential Placement

via A Socialite’s Life

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The Bitching

Taking a cue from Amanda, tell us all about what you are just not grateful for this weekend.

The Bitching, Movies:

I Am Sam – Could have lasted 30 minutes, and instead it dragged on for almost two hours. Painful.

John Q – Terrible and contrived. Yes, the healthcare system is fucked up. This movie felt like a lecture about it.

The Village – Just… bad. Although the image of the monsters still freaks me out.

Grease 2 – I think we can all agree on this one.

Battlefield Earth – Yes, I actually watched this movie. The whole thing. Never again.

Braveheart – Never got through the first 20 minutes. Hated, hated, hated it.

Lord of the Rings – All of ’em. And you know what? I didn’t even watch them. I just know they’re that bad.

The Bitching, Personal Stuff:

School – I should just drop out. Finals are in three weeks, and I need to get my ass in gear. Fuck.

My Bathroom – I generally like my apartment — until today, when my mom (who has not been here more than 24 hours) managed to clog our toilet, something that hasn’t happened at all in my three months of living here. Awesome.

The weather – It’s fucking freezing here. Apparently New York decided to skip all of autumn, and go straight from sunny and 70 to freezing-ass cold, windy and rainy. Plus, my room mate’s window won’t shut all the way and our kitchen window has the AC unit in it, so cold air comes in like crazy.

Boys, boys, boys – They’re always a problem, aren’t they? Is it really that hard to just be nice to me?

The Bitching, Politics:

Exhaustion – I’m tired of politics. There’s too much wrong. There’s nothing I can do about it. The Democrats suck, and the Republicans suck a lot harder. It’s just the same old thing, and I can’t even get angry about it anymore. Moving on.

The Bitching, Fashion (I’m adding my own category):

Uggs: People, please. They’ve been out of style for three years now, and they were ugly then, too. The worst is when I see girls walking around in November in denim mini-skirts and Uggs. It’s cold, and even huge hideous boots won’t keep you warm. STOP WEARING THEM, for the love of God.

Furry Boots: Again, completely and totally out. And ugly.

Cowboy Boots: Yes, we all wore them this summer with our peasant skirts and demin, inspired by Jessica Simpson and Dukes of Hazard (and when I say “we,” I do not include myself). They’re played out. Stop, now.

Greek Clothing: So you were in a frat, and you want to wear your TKE sweatshirt every day. Or, it’s really important that when you go to the gym, your sorority letters are emblazoned across your ass on brightly-colored short-shorts. I have nothing against the Greek system (here, I’m lying), but when you wear the clothing, it makes the rest of us think you’re probably stupid. Mean and judgmental? Certainly. But that’s my thing.

Abercrombie & Fitch: If you’re over the age of 20, you have absolutely no reason to be wearing this clothing. Particularly if you’re in graduate school. Ditto with cargo shorts. Grow up, kids.

Insipid T-Shirts: No one cares if you think you’re Mrs. Timberlake, or if you did Ashton. Double hatred for t-shirts that say things like “Princess,” “Spoiled” or “Pimp Daddy.”

Small Backpacks: Even if it is made by Prada, it’s still ugly.

Signature Purses:
At this point, the LV bags are just old, old, old. Ditto for the various knock-offs by Dooney & Burke, xoxo, Guess, and just about every other mall retailer.

The Polo shirs with the giant horse
: We get it, you’re wearing Polo. We saw the horse when it was small. Why does it have to take up a quarter of the shirt now?

The Bitching, Culture:

Tourists Who Go Gape at the WTC Site: I hate you, I really do. You’re assholes, with your fanny packs and “I Heart NY” t-shirts and “9-11: Never Forget” hats and your huge cameras, stopping by what’s basically a mass gravesite to take smiling pictures in between your visit to the Empire State Building and standing in line for Rent tickets. It’s not a tourist attraction, and walking around grinning and laughing and going, “oh, wow” really isn’t the way to show respect.

Times Square: Perhaps the worst place on earth. Neon signs, a giant Cup o’ Noodles, MTV… and again with the tourists. Could there possibly be more American Eagle in one place?

TomKat: I stole this one from Amanda, but damn if it isn’t true. Katie, we know the Church of Scientology is paying you millions of dollars, but it’s just not worth it!

Nicole Richie, Author
: And this.

The DaVinci Code: It’s still on the NYT Bestseller List. And that’s fine. I’m glad people are reading, and it’s not the worst book in the world. But it’s not exactly high literature, folks. If I have to hear one more crappy art history lecture from some idiot who has read one book in the past four years, I might shoot myself.

Ruining Perfectly Good Books with Movies: Last I heard, they’re making a movie out of A Confederacy of Dunces, a book that I particularly like. Except who’s playing Ignatius? Will fucking Ferrell. Idiots. They’re also movie-izing The Namesake, and casting Kumar (from Harold and Kumar) as Gogol. I guess we’ll see how that turns out.

As the day wears on and I get increasingly pissed off (holidays have a way of doing that to me), I’m sure we’ll be adding more. Share your own.

Posted in General | Tagged | 53 Comments

Pre-Turkey Day Round Up

My mom and sister are in town for T-day, so posting will probably be light this weekend. If you’re looking to spread some holiday cheer, check out Katha Pollitt’s list of great organizations to donate to.

And this certainly doesn’t fall into the “cheer” category, but it’s another good reason to continue the promotion of women’s rights worldwide: A village council in Pakistan has decreed that five young women should be abducted, raped or killed for refusing to honour childhood “marriages.”

Also, stay vigilant in opposing Alito:

What hasn’t been discussed as much is what Alito’s willingness to restrict abortion might mean in light of two cases heading for the Supreme Court, both of which involve the question of whether laws limiting abortion have to include exceptions for women’s health. Ayotte v. Planned Parenthood of Northern New England, which is scheduled for argument later in this month and might be re-argued after a new Justice is confirmed, considers whether a teen can get an abortion without waiting the forty-eight-hour period required by New Hampshire state law if her pregnancy threatens her health. The second case, Carhart v. Gonzales, a review of the 2003 federal “partial-birth abortion” ban, asks whether the ban on certain abortion procedures must make an exception if the mother’s health would be harmed.

The consequences of Ayotte extend far beyond New Hampshire, according to Dara Klassel, who will be representing Planned Parenthood of Northern New England in the Supreme Court case. “If [the majority of Justices] say you don’t need a health exception, it’ll be a matter of a year or two before all red states revoke their health exception,” says Klassel. “There will be women suffering serious health consequences, loss of fertility because of serious infection, anemia from blood loss.”

and if that’s not enough…

Though it would likely be the first reproductive crisis to which Alito could contribute, eroding Roe is really the lesser concern. Scarier still is that either of these two cases could provide the opportunity to do away with the ruling altogether. While the Justices are likely to rule more narrowly, they could decide to use the cases to “reach out,” as lawyers call it, and question the fundamental principles involved in the right to abortion.

And if neither case leads to a full-on grappling with the right to choose, a more direct challenge to Roe is already in the legal pipeline. A Michigan law that would outlaw all surgical abortions throughout pregnancy (the status of medical abortions is unclear) was passed and immediately challenged this year. Now, in Northland Family Planning Clinic v. Cox, the ban is being appealed to the Sixth Circuit. The case could make its way to the Supreme Court in 2007.

This Friday is the biggest shopping day of the year, but do everyone a favor and don’t shop at Wal-Mart until they shape up.

If your in New York, this exhibit may be worth seeing. I’ve been meaning to go for weeks, and now that I have free time, the Met will be packed with holiday tourists. Wonderful.

Posted in General, Holidays & Celebrations | Tagged , | 3 Comments

Perfectly Willing to Embarass Myself

Dear Internets,

I have a dare for you: find one of your embarassing undergraduate writings and blog it for the world to see.

With regards,
a crooked and pained Lauren

Upon looking for example literary thesis statements among my own academic writing for class tomorrow, I ran across this essay I wrote four years ago when I was forced to take COM 114. COM 114, if you don’t know, is my university’s evil public presentation course, better known to high schoolers as Speech class.

The assignment was to defend the course and all the things we learned. This is yet another example of me poking fun at assignments I don’t want to do. See the false positivity runneth over.

Be kind, Internets:

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Posted in Education, Vanity | 26 Comments

Punch to the Side

Self-indulgent complaints and navel-gazing below the fold:
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Posted in Health, Vanity | 26 Comments

Slow Day

Don’t know if you noticed or not, but Feministe is acting all wonky.

Apologies while the server gets its kinks worked out.

Posted in Blogging | Tagged | 2 Comments

With a Name Like Plentyhorse

More tales for the weird sex (and sex offender) files.

Posted in Sex | Tagged | 11 Comments

TODAY: Pro-Choice Fashion Show

UPDATE: Show was tonight, and it was amazing. New pictures are up here! And even more by fantastic photographer Gary He here.

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If you’re in NYC, you must come. Body as Billboard Fashion Show, Monday Nov. 21st, 9pm, NYU’s Kimmel Center E&L Auditorium (4th floor). Kimmel is located on Washington Square South. Tickets are $7 for NYU students, $30 non-NYU. You can buy them at Ticket Central, downstairs in Kimmel.

The show features designs by Periel Aschenbrand, creator of the “The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own” shirt. All proceeds benefit Keep a Child Alive, which provides HIV/AIDS relief to children and families.

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Plus, TYSON BECKFORD will be walking the runway. And let’s be honest, it doesn’t get any hotter than that.

I went to the dress rehearsal tonight, and was blown away. You definitely don’t want to miss this one. More pictures below the fold, and even more here (intermixed with others, my apologies; scroll to the bottom).

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Posted in Reproductive Rights | Tagged , , , , | 41 Comments

Real Smart

What do you do when you’re laid up with a kidney infection and millions of papers to grade?

A quiz!
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Posted in General | 31 Comments

Herring Fart to Communicate, Study Suggests

I would just like to point out that Chris Clarke and I broke wind this National Geographic story months ago.

Save this file to hear gentle conversation between regal fish.

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What’s Wrong With This Article, Mom?

Really, how many times can we write op/eds crying, “Little girls are dressing like whores!”? Well apparently the issue isn’t exhausted yet.

Women once complained about being reduced to sex objects. Now, their daughters are volunteering to be sex objects.

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